I am a 29 yo (F) getting married in around a month to my fiancé, lets call him Jake for privacy reasons (31M). We’ve been together for approx 5 years, and I thought we were on the same page about everything.
Okk so last weekend was my bachelorette party, and my friends went all out. It was supposed to be a fun time just for me and the girls. But then one of my friends let it slip that Jake was secretly planning to show up at the party. She was excited, but I was shocked and upset.. you know cuz it was supposed to be a girls thang lol. I also want to be clear in this post that Jake had been very controlling in the first year of our relationship, there were times he didnt want me going out alone and made it clear he was worried I would be around guys/cheating on him - absolutely not the case at all. There was also one time where I wanted to go out after having an argument with him and he locked the door and told me "You ain't going anywhere"
I always thought of my bachelorette party as a time for me to relax and have fun with my friends without Jake being there. I couldn’t believe he thought it was okay to mix up the party like that. The reason why it bothered me so much is because hes been a controlling partner in the partner to me (admitted to me by him too)
When I confronted Jake about it, he said I was overreacting and that he just wanted to be part of the celebration. It might sound like I am overreacting but at the start of our relationship I recieved a DM from his ex telling me to avoid him because he used to control her too and kept tabs of who she went out with and what time she came home. So after this happened we had a huge argument, and it ended with me calling off the wedding. I guess I was seeing red given his past history and something didn't feel quite right. I told him if he couldn’t respect my space and understand why this was such a big deal, maybe we weren’t ready for marriage. FYI, he has also shown up to girls trips before .. presumably to make sure I am not actually with a guy (?)
My friends and family have started to ask whats going on as I have deleted his pics from my insta... the ones that know said they had a bad feeling about him and think I did the right thing, but his family members inc his mom think I overreacted. I’m starting to question if I made a mistake.
So, AITA for calling off the wedding over this? Did I go too far, or was Jake out of line?
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