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submitted by /u/Terrible-Ad-8252 to r/RoastMe [link] [comments] |
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Monday, January 31, 2022
hi my boyfriend left me for his ex who is a model/ballerina/all around fairy princess. I have the emotional capacity of a 12 year old boy and do art. I wear glasses. can’t smile. treat the gym like therapy. Those are my fun facts idk make me feel something again
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Cursed hobby
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submitted by /u/Yuquan91829 to r/cursedcomments [link] [comments] |
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me_irl
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submitted by /u/nubivagance to r/me_irl [link] [comments] |
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Donald Trump attacks “racist” Black prosecutors investigating his potential crimes | Abandoning the dogwhistle, Trump implored the MAGA crowd to return him to "that beautiful, beautiful house that happens to be white."
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submitted by /u/BilBrowning to r/politics [link] [comments] |
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A duck walks into a psychiatrist's office...
He sits on the couch and the two stare at each other in silence for a moment. Eventually the duck says, "Quack."
"Get out of here!" yells the psychiatrist. "I won't be ridiculed in my office."
The duck travels to another psychiatrist's office. He sits on the couch. The two look at each other in silence for a time. Again, the duck says, "Quack."
"An insult!" shouts the psychiatrist. "I'll have you know I was top of my class. Get out!"
The duck travels to a third psychiatrist. He sits on the couch. They stare at each other for a short while. The psychiatrist says, "You hate your father, you worry about money, and you're lonely".
"Finally," says the duck. "Those other two quacks were idiots."
ed note: I came up with this while brushing my teeth this morning. Maybe I'm a depressed duck.
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I made a concoction with half part laxatives and 4 parts alphabet soup...
I call it Letter Rip.
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Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years.
Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three mates get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
"Shit Ron, how long you been here? How did you talk your missus into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since last night. After dinner at home yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'
I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing sexy brand new lingerie. She said she had been reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and she had a devilish look in her eyes!!!
She took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over.
On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes!
She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
And then she said, 'Do whatever you want.'
So . . . . here I am!"
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Sunday, January 30, 2022
No time to scrape…
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submitted by /u/RegularNoodles to r/memes [link] [comments] |
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What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don’t get the proper support, people will think we’re nuts.
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Munich State Court Finds Use of Google Fonts in Violation of GDPR
Article URL: https://twitter.com/fascinatingtech/status/1487342734906171393
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30139790
Points: 2
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest https://twitter.com/fascinatingtech/status/1487342734906171393
She won hands down
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submitted by /u/PeriodicCountdown to r/MadeMeSmile [link] [comments] |
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An airplane crashes onto an old cemetery
The police reports over 3.500 dead people
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Saturday, January 29, 2022
Bringing back an oldie but GOODIE (best actually)
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submitted by /u/notwherelmao to r/PublicFreakout [link] [comments] |
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Oh, you´re surprised Jeff Epstein committed suicide?
Imagine how surprised Jeff must have been.
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Did you hear about the tortilla factory that had ties to the mob?
Turns out it was a shell company.
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I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
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The military has invented a new missile that turns everything in its vicinity to gold
They’re calling it the Automic bomb
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I called the premature ejaculation support group to find out what the dress code was.
Apparently, most members just come in their pants.
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from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! https://ift.tt/CV8bNk2ZL
Hidden Secrets to Making a New Microservices Cluster a Success
Article URL: https://christine.website/blog/make-microservices-cluster-2022-01-27
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30129009
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
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Friday, January 28, 2022
I did my first stand up routine in Chernobyl last night
I got glowing reviews
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Israel becomes 15th nation to join Artemis Accords
Article URL: https://spacenews.com/israel-becomes-15th-nation-to-join-artemis-accords/
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30118677
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
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Crab: The orb guardian.
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submitted by /u/Casual_Yet_almost to r/Bossfight [link] [comments] |
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Any time anyone paints a room in a movie starterpack
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submitted by /u/Molliema to r/starterpacks [link] [comments] |
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A man walks into a monastery where the monks practice a regimen of strict silence.
Wishing to join their ranks, he agrees to the rules: silence is paramount, and it is forbidden to utter even a single unnecessary word.
After five years of utter silence, the man raises his hand at lunch, signaling for permission to speak. Permission is granted, and he says two words: “I’m cold.” The head monk makes a gesture, and the man is given a warm sweater to help him withstand the cold winds drafting through the stone building.
Five more years of silence pass before the man raises his hand again, this time at dinner. Again, he sounds but two words: “I’m hungry.” The head monk gestures to the kitchen staff, and the man’s bread ration is increased.
Five more silent years pass, and the man raises his hand during breakfast for permission to speak. Again, it is two words: “I’m leaving.”
“Good,” the head monk blurts out, “Since you arrived here, all you’ve done is complain!”
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Thursday, January 27, 2022
In this rare footage from October 29, 1956, Queen Elizabeth II greets Marilyn Monroe at a film premiere. The two met at the premiere of The Battle of the River Plate in London's Leicester Square.
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submitted by /u/Honest_Conference_81 to r/OldSchoolCool [link] [comments] |
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Protesting with a “choose adoption” sign
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submitted by /u/BabaYaga17 to r/facepalm [link] [comments] |
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the script of No Way Home has officially been released, and I thought this part was particularly hilarious
submitted by /u/kungfulaflame to r/marvelstudios
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Read More...
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Why do priests always drink the cheapest sacrimental wine?
Because it's God swill.
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from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! https://ift.tt/3IJJk9E
“Independence. Prime Time” [pdf]
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30104408
Points: 1
# Comments: 1
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Wednesday, January 26, 2022
Restitution Activist Tried Stealing Indonesian Artwork Thinking It Was African
Article URL: https://www.asian-dawn.com/2020/10/31/restitution-activist-tried-stealing-indonesian-artwork-thinking-it-was-african/
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30090734
Points: 2
# Comments: 0
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Landing: Air Force vs Navy
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submitted by /u/-YellsAtClouds- to r/aviation [link] [comments] |
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Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven (credits to u/DerRaumdenker)
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says "Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be."
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and poof she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and poof she's gone.
The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini." St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says. "Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun. St. Peter shakes his head and says; "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."
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A pipe operator for JavaScript: introduction and use cases
Article URL: https://2ality.com/2022/01/pipe-operator.html
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30089917
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
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Just some hay wrapping.
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submitted by /u/Wheyprotein200 to r/oddlysatisfying [link] [comments] |
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Tuesday, January 25, 2022
ERC721A: An Improved ERC721 Implementation
Article URL: https://www.azuki.com/erc721a
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30077047
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
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The behind the scenes of this scene
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submitted by /u/fiz004 to r/interestingasfuck [link] [comments] |
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Nowadays kids have it so easy. When I was their age, I had nothing but $3 in my pocket. So, what did I do?
I bought a house, started a family, and put the remaining 75 cents into a savings account for emergencies.
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from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! https://ift.tt/3FYGkVm
Procrastination and Autonomic Arousal
Article URL: https://twitter.com/hubermanlab/status/1486026143366979591
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30076160
Points: 3
# Comments: 1
from Hacker News: Newest https://twitter.com/hubermanlab/status/1486026143366979591
It just occurred to me
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submitted by /u/garlicbreadmemesplz to r/marvelstudios [link] [comments] |
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Monday, January 24, 2022
Bitcoin is basically a Nasdaq 100 ETF
Article URL: https://twitter.com/freshnode/status/1485695185115824129
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30062993
Points: 2
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest https://twitter.com/freshnode/status/1485695185115824129
1986 Transformers movie
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submitted by /u/bitchyswiftie to r/tumblr [link] [comments] |
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Tor Project battles Russian censorship through the courts
Article URL: https://www.zdnet.com/article/tor-project-battles-russian-censorship-through-the-courts/
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30061965
Points: 3
# Comments: 0
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China steps up construction along disputed Bhutan border
Article URL: https://graphics.reuters.com/CHINA-BHUTAN/BORDER/zjvqknaryvx/
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30061946
Points: 3
# Comments: 0
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How the woman who birthed me let me know my sister died this morning
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submitted by /u/youliveinmydream to r/insaneparents [link] [comments] |
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Did you hear the news about the guy who killed Tony the Tiger?
He's a cereal killer
[link] [comments]
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Sunday, January 23, 2022
oh
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submitted by /u/Grillos to r/WhitePeopleTwitter [link] [comments] |
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There is an origami porn channel
It's paper view
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! https://ift.tt/3u7XVrJ
I Am Not a Maker (2015)
Article URL: https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2015/01/why-i-am-not-a-maker/384767/
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30048718
Points: 2
# Comments: 0
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The 49ers upset the Packers after Robbie Gould's game winning field goal
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submitted by /u/I-Have-Four-Balls to r/sports [link] [comments] |
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Professor X [sitting in his wheel chair] asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?" Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..." r>Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"
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Saturday, January 22, 2022
Several Custom Bitmap Fonts
Article URL: https://addy-dclxvi.github.io/post/bitmap-fonts/
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30039472
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
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Why are we paying for the KKK’s escort service?
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submitted by /u/DemocracyStan to r/BlackPeopleTwitter [link] [comments] |
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Worlds most dangerous cheese - Casu Martzu
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submitted by /u/starcrafter84 to r/Weird [link] [comments] |
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Men are creating AI girlfriends, verbally abusing them, and bragging about it on Reddit
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submitted by /u/Nikehedonia to r/nottheonion [link] [comments] |
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