Wednesday, November 30, 2022

Elon Musk Is Turning Twitter into a Haven for Nazis

Article URL: https://www.vice.com/en/article/n7zm9q/elon-musk-twitter-nazis-white-supremacy

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33805700

Points: 6

# Comments: 2



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A dog running and feeling the speed

By November 30, 2022 , No comments
A dog running and feeling the speed submitted by /u/DnlNicks to r/nextfuckinglevel
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Elon Musk has come up with a fool proof plan of destroying Apple because they refuse to advertise on Twitter.

He plans to buy it.

submitted by /u/porichoygupto
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Hole-y Golf

Jesus, Moses and an old man are playing golf one day.

The hole is a par 3 with a huge lake in front of the tee.

Jesus steps up, takes his swing, BOOM, the ball flies up and lands on the edge of the opposite side of the lake.

Jesus walks across the water, hits his ball to land on the green.

Moses steps up, takes his swing, BOOM, the ball flies up and lands in the middle of the lake.

Moses parts the water, walks down to his ball and smacks it out onto the green.

The old man steps up, takes his swing, BOOM, straight up into the air and headed for the middle of the lake......

BUT, before the ball hits the water, a giant bass jumps up, and swallows the ball. Before the bass hits the water, an eagle swoops out of the sky, snatches the bass and starts to fly away! A sudden clap of thunder startles the eagle, the bird drops the bass onto the green, the ball pops out of the bass' mouth, straight into the cup! Hole In ONE!

Jesus turns around to the old man and says: "Nice shot, Dad. Now will you quit fuckin' around and play golf??"

submitted by /u/Normal-Ad6528
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Metrics for Your Web Application's Dashboards

Article URL: https://sirupsen.com/metrics

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33804818

Points: 1

# Comments: 0



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Tuesday, November 29, 2022

Bambi

As soon as Harry and his wife entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt walked up to Harry and became very friendly.

Harry brushed her off.

Harriet quickly objected,

- "Harry, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude."

- "Harriet, she's a prostitute."

"I don't believe you. That sweet young thing?"

"Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it."

In their room, Harry called down to the desk and asked for 'Bambi' to come to room 1217.

- "Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, OK?"

Soon, there was a knock on the door.

Harry opened it and Bambi walked in, swirling her hips provocatively.

George asked,

- "How much do you charge?" "$250 basic rate, $100 tips for special services."

Even Harry was taken aback.

- "$250! I was thinking more in the range of $25."

Bambi laughed derisively.

- "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price."

- "Well," said Harry, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye."

After she left, Harriet came out of the bathroom.

She said,

- "I just can't believe it!" Harry said,

- "Let's forget it. We'll go have a drink, then eat dinner."

At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Bambi came up behind Harry pointed slyly at Harriet, and said,

- "See, I told you! look what you get for $25 !!!"

submitted by /u/boa_constrictor
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Stephen Curry of sanitation

By November 29, 2022 , No comments
Stephen Curry of sanitation submitted by /u/Wololo--Wololo to r/nextfuckinglevel
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Two teenagers are talking about their girlfriends

Rick: My babe is 18 already and has huge tits, what about yours?

Josh: She is 42 and amazing in bed, like you wouldn't believe.

Rick: 42?! She could be your mother, man!

Josh: Could be. But she's yours.

submitted by /u/Captain_Gardar
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Sliding without looking ahead.

By November 29, 2022 , No comments
Sliding without looking ahead. submitted by /u/esberat to r/instant_regret
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Monday, November 28, 2022

I'm going fucking

By November 28, 2022 , No comments
I'm going fucking submitted by /u/kevinowdziej to r/BrandNewSentence
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Our Elizabeth cosplays from Bioshock Infinite

By November 28, 2022 , No comments
Our Elizabeth cosplays from Bioshock Infinite submitted by /u/ProKirie to r/gaming
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Fans Of Teams Not In Playoff Contention, Who Do You Want To Win It All And Why?

By November 28, 2022 , No comments

For the second straight year, Clemson isn’t in that top tier. I love college football. So I’ll continue to watch games as a neutral fan. But let’s be honest we all have opinions on every team out there so I’ll go first.

TCU winning is my preferred choice.

I don’t want UGA back to back because regional opponent and I live near tons of their fans.

I don’t want the LA team of mercenaries to win. I don’t like Lincoln Riley and I’m still salty about them poaching Jordan Addison (although the kid made the right choice)

And I don’t want anything to validate the Michigan flairs in here talking crap to me all season long lol

submitted by /u/jklaz to r/CFB
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Streamer fails miserably on cooking and panics when it bursts into flames

By November 28, 2022 , No comments
Streamer fails miserably on cooking and panics when it bursts into flames submitted by /u/Baxwell_mui to r/AbruptChaos
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I told the doctor in the emergency room that I’d put in my own stitches.

He replied “alright, suture self”.

submitted by /u/Tink__Wink
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Sunday, November 27, 2022

Santa Jingle…

He's making a list.

He's checking it twice.

Gonna find out who's naughty or nice.

Santa Claus is in violation of the General Data Protection Regulation (EU) 2016/679

submitted by /u/VivaIbiza
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Sounds like a really thoughtful household

By November 27, 2022 , No comments
Sounds like a really thoughtful household submitted by /u/KingPZe to r/BlackPeopleTwitter
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maybe maybe maybe

By November 27, 2022 , No comments
maybe maybe maybe submitted by /u/MiSsiLeR81 to r/maybemaybemaybe
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What kind of work does Gomez Addams assign Thing to do around the Addams Manor?

Oh you know, just normal hand jobs.

submitted by /u/countrockulot
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Saturday, November 26, 2022

I’m giving away free yodelling lessons

So please form an Orderly, Orderly, Orderly Queue

submitted by /u/OwenJthomas89
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I went online to order Oreos and the website errored

My VPN was rejecting cookies.

submitted by /u/DanQQT
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AI Generated Guest Blog: around the world

Article URL: https://billwadge.com/2022/11/26/ai-generated-guest-blog-around-the-world/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33755258

Points: 1

# Comments: 0



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He's not even

By November 26, 2022 , No comments
He's not even submitted by /u/xanderpua to r/FunnyandSad
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Two Drunk Sailors:

So, these two drunk sailors arrive at this Naval port city by boat and they begin to go to each and every one of the bars. Once they get kicked out of one they go to another.

So for the rest of the night they get absolutely wasted, and when they get kicked out of the last bar they begin to stumble back to their boat. They then turn a corner only to run straight into a Commanding Naval Officer going for a late night stroll.

In a moment of drunken brilliance they ask the Naval Officer:

"Hey, Buddy, Do you know where we are?"

Completely offended and outraged the Commander yells at them:

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!?"

And so the sailors look at one another and one of them says:

"Uh oh, We don't know where we are, and He doesn't know where he is!"

submitted by /u/Racecarboii
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Friday, November 25, 2022

Two old people playing golf

"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy.

"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went."

"But you're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"

"But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore," protested Jack.

"But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball," Tracy pointed out.

The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack.

"Yup," Scott answered.

"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.

"I forgot."

submitted by /u/Formal-Ad8037
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Ãœeberzug Is Not Maintained

Article URL: https://github.com/seebye/ueberzug

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33745412

Points: 1

# Comments: 1



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How long will it take an author to write "The Guide To All The World's Great Beers"?

It depends on how many drafts they have to go through.

submitted by /u/ashleyorelse
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Thursday, November 24, 2022

Brain experiment suggests that consciousness relies on quantum entanglement

Article URL: https://bigthink.com/hard-science/brain-consciousness-quantum-entanglement/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33735188

Points: 4

# Comments: 2



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Straight to heaven

By November 24, 2022 , No comments
Straight to heaven submitted by /u/Penguin_On_XTC to r/funny
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Meta teaches an AI to lie, strategize

Article URL: https://www.computerworld.com/article/3681330/meta-teaches-an-ai-to-lie-strategize.html#tk.rss_all

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33734761

Points: 2

# Comments: 1



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They have been lying to you about social media

Article URL: https://amineaouragh.substack.com/p/social-media-is-not-your-enemy

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33734743

Points: 3

# Comments: 4



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Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?

Because he conditioned it.

submitted by /u/tankpuss
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Wednesday, November 23, 2022

what da boi doin

By November 23, 2022 , No comments
what da boi doin submitted by /u/purplechair12 to r/shitposting
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Spontaneous beat synchronization in rats: Neural dynamics and motor entrainment

Article URL: https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/sciadv.abo7019

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33722934

Points: 1

# Comments: 0



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Your mum told me that fermented apple is a good topical remedy for nettle stings.

At least, I think that's what she said. She said that every time she gets a prick in her hand, she puts it in cider.

submitted by /u/Bumbaguette
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How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A hundred. One to screw it in, ninety-nine to do the paperwork.

submitted by /u/wilderfast
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Tuesday, November 22, 2022

Impact and Transparency Report 2022 – PHP Foundation

Article URL: https://opencollective.com/phpfoundation/updates/impact-and-transparency-report-2022

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33710433

Points: 1

# Comments: 0



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Peace River wildlife cleans concrete off of a baby gopher tortoise

By November 22, 2022 , No comments
Peace River wildlife cleans concrete off of a baby gopher tortoise submitted by /u/Portlander to r/HumansBeingBros
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Top problems with Artemis and what NASA can do to fix them

Article URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBxgHF-ccDQ

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33709434

Points: 1

# Comments: 0



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Jaylen Brown’s recent IG post re: Twitter backlash

By November 22, 2022 , No comments

Jaylen Brown posted this meme on his Instagram story amid the backlash and reactions to his recent Tweets and statements in support of Kyrie Irving.

https://i.imgur.com/pXbHb6g.jpg

What do you realistically think will come of this? I don’t see the Celtics organization doing anything unless he does something even more blatant.

Brown continues to disappoint Celtics fans with these antics and refusal to apologize and take ownership of his actions. I think that a lot of us (at least most of us on r/BostonCeltics) are pretty much fed up with it at this point.

submitted by /u/Rice-And-Gravy to r/nba
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An american tourist is visiting Paris

He takes a taxi for a ride around the city, sees Notre Dame cathedral and asks the driver:

-What's that ?

-Notre Dame cathedral.

-How long did it take to build it ?

-I don't know, 50 years maybe ?

-Oh my god, that's so lame. American workers would have done that in 5 years.

The driver, a little annoyed, continues to drive around for some minutes, then the american tourist sees the Eiffel Tower and asks:

-What's that ?

-The Eiffel Tower.

-How long did it take to build it ?

-I don't know, 5 years I guess ?

-Really ??? Damn, such a lazy work, americans would have done that in six months.

The driver sighs, a little angry. Then the american sees the Louvre and says:

-What's that ?

-Oh ? This ? I don't know, it wasn't there yesterday.

submitted by /u/ElDitcho
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Monday, November 21, 2022

Disney executives staged revolt against ousted chief Bob Chapek

Article URL: https://www.ft.com/content/a9277a18-18f6-42ea-a1fb-7e762120846a

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33696916

Points: 1

# Comments: 1



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Old man performs his last glimpse

By November 21, 2022 , No comments
Old man performs his last glimpse submitted by /u/neoneat to r/blackmagicfuckery
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Tailscale, DNS Rebinding, and You

Article URL: https://emily.id.au/tailscale

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33696180

Points: 2

# Comments: 0



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Guess who just got laid off!

By November 21, 2022 , No comments
Guess who just got laid off! submitted by /u/MR-POTATO-MAN-CODER to r/ProgrammerHumor
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An Elderly Couple Make an Appointment with a Divorce Attorney

The attorney is perplexed:

“You’re over 90 years old, and you’ve been married for close to 7 decades! Why, after all this time, do you want a divorce?”

The couple look at each other:

“We wanted to wait until the kids died.”

submitted by /u/2ndfloorbalcony
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Sunday, November 20, 2022

OPEN LETTER TO QATAR: you’re seriously banning homosexuality at your World Cup?

Come on guys…

submitted by /u/ilikesidehugs
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Entropy of a Student T Distribution

Article URL: https://www.johndcook.com/blog/2022/11/15/t-entropy/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33683713

Points: 1

# Comments: 0



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Woman catches and releases a hawk that got trapped in her patio

By November 20, 2022 , No comments
Woman catches and releases a hawk that got trapped in her patio submitted by /u/_OhayoSayonara_ to r/HumansBeingBros
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I told my friend that a cannibal took my girlfriend to see a Russell Crowe film

My friend asked me: Gladiator?

I said : No, I really miss her

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Saturday, November 19, 2022

Spotted in the wild (Melbourne)

By November 19, 2022 , No comments
Spotted in the wild (Melbourne) submitted by /u/LeBruhMomento to r/australia
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Computing Arccos

Article URL: https://www.johndcook.com/blog/2022/11/09/computing-acrcos/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33673005

Points: 1

# Comments: 0



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Chris Hitchens didn't believe Waterboarding should be considered torture and was willing to demonstrate it on camera.

By November 19, 2022 , No comments
Chris Hitchens didn't believe Waterboarding should be considered torture and was willing to demonstrate it on camera. submitted by /u/bbcomment to r/videos
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What would you call it when a bald man finally removes his ponytail?

A hipsterectomy.

submitted by /u/gilfromisrael
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What four elements are you not allowed to bring to your job?

Nitrogen, sulfur, fluorine, and tungsten…because they are NSFW.

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Friday, November 18, 2022

Apple Lossless Audio Codec

Article URL: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apple_Lossless_Audio_Codec

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33660918

Points: 2

# Comments: 0



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Taylor’s response on the ticket crisis

By November 18, 2022 , No comments
Taylor’s response on the ticket crisis submitted by /u/HoorayAllDay to r/TaylorSwift
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They chose to quit instead of doing double the work for *checks notes* the same amount of pay.

By November 18, 2022 , No comments
They chose to quit instead of doing double the work for *checks notes* the same amount of pay. submitted by /u/DosCabezasDingo to r/antiwork
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