Just the other night, I was hanging out with my best friend and my boyfriend in her apartment. It started out innocently enough with us playing games and watching movies. Then we started playing “never have I ever” and the questions were pretty sexual. She then asked “never have I ever had a threesome” and both me and my boyfriend said no. Her entire vibe changed (to the point it was scary) and she looked at us both. She said “what if we did something crazy?” I kind of laughed because no part of me could’ve ever fathomed what she meant. But then she scooted closer to my boyfriend and started kissing him! He wasn’t stopping her. I just froze. It felt surreal, like a dream/nightmare. There they were making out like it was the most natural thing in the world. I think I had a trauma response of sorts and kind of… tricked myself into thinking this was normal? I can’t explain it. But it’s like my brain wasn’t ready to feel the extent of what was happening so it tricked itself. They started undressing each other and on instinct I undressed myself too. This isn’t a sex sub so I won’t go into the dirty details but a full-fledge threesome occurred between us.
The next morning I woke up at first believing I had dreamt it, but there they were naked on the floor together. I still couldn’t process what the hell occurred so I just kind of ran out. When it finally hit me I had a full fledge breakdown. I’ve gotten calls and texts from both of them asking if I’m okay. I haven’t responded. I can’t respond. I’ve thrown up twice from the intrusive memories. I didn’t want this. Why did I go along with this? Why didn’t I stop it? Why did SHE start it? Questions just keep swimming in my brain.
I don’t know what the hell to do. Last text from my boyfriend was “I hope you aren’t upset, I think that was such a special event in our relationship even though it was insane.” He’s knocked on my door and I haven’t opened it.
I have no idea where to go from here. I still love him but I can’t look at him the same I mean I fucking saw his dick go in and out of my best friend. Not to mention her. I feel like I’ve been betrayed in the most disgusting way even though I let it happen/participated.
Am I right to feel like they did wrong in the worst way?
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