Article URL: https://www.yankodesign.com/2019/03/29/the-duoflip-is-the-most-innovative-laptop-made-in-years/
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19534307
Points: 1
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Sunday, March 31, 2019
The DuoFlip is the most innovative laptop made in years
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Quote of the Day
"Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves." - Abraham Lincoln
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Fuck You and Your Bubble Tea
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submitted by /u/godoxyourself to r/ChoosingBeggars [link] [comments] |
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If Tinder is implementing a height setting for men, they should implement a weight setting for women.
Tinder just announced a setting for men to show their height, under the reasoning that too many men lie about their height on the app and as they put it, are "height fishing" women. I can just about guarantee they won't do a fucking thing about weight for women. I have friends who have been fat fished. That's essentially the same damn thing. Why the hell should guys show their height if women won't show their weight. It's so fucking dumb to me. A girl doesn't like a guy because of his height? "You go girl!", "Girl power!", blah blah blah. A guy doesn't like a girl because she's fat? "Asshole!", "So misogynistic!", blah blah blah. It annoys the living fuck out of me that women aren't held to the same societal standards regarding attraction that men are.
Let me be clear, I have no issue with a woman if she is fat. I am just not attracted to it. Also, it is totally okay with me if a woman isn't attracted to me because I'm 5'9"
Yes I'm aware that the height setting is optional, similar to Bumble, and it's not as bad as something like Hinge where you're required to put your height, whereas women aren't required to put their weight. While this is about Tinder's new settings, I think it really opens up the societal double standard regarding attraction to the opposing sex and it just pisses me the fuck off.
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Two boys are arguing when the teacher enters the classroom. The teacher says, “What are you two arguing about?”
One boy answers, “We found a ten-dollar bill and decided whoever tells the biggest lie gets to keep it.”
“You two should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher. “When I was your age, I didn’t even know what a lie was.”
The boys looked at each other and handed the ten dollars to the teacher.
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How did Chris Browns girlfriend find out he was cheating on her?
She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
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A JFK conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven
When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him.
"Welcome. You are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully."
Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, "Who really shot Kennedy?"
God replies, "Lee Harvey Oswald shot him from sixth floor of the Texas School Book Depository. There were no accomplices. He acted alone"
The conspiracy theorist pauses, thinks to himself, then says "Shit! This goes higher up than I thought..."
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
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I'm an American, and I'm sick of people saying, “America is the stupidest country in the world.”
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
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A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch...
It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!"
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie."
"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"
"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie! , got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over...."
Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"
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How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They will never allow change, even if it makes the world a brighter place.
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A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat.
The man isn’t sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading.
A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat.
The man is becoming more and more curious about the shuddering.
A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders violently again.
The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you’ve sneezed and three times you’ve taken a tissue and wiped your nose then shuddered violently!
Are you sending me signals, or are you going crazy?"
The woman replies, "I’m sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition and when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."
The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious says, "I’ve never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?"
The woman looks at him and says, "Pepper."
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Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful.
I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend
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I want to live my next life backwards
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in an old age home feeling and start feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're too young to work.
You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're generally promiscuous iykwim.
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then...
You finish off as an orgasm.
I rest my case.
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After finally turning old enough, a life long train lover finally becomes a train conductor
He was so excited on his first day, he was ready to do the best he could. As he was conducting however, he accidentally got distracted and somehow made the train crash into an office and killed 7 people.
He had to go to court of course and the jury declared him as guilty and the judge gave him the death sentence.
The day finally comes and he enters the electric chair room. They ask for his last meal and he asks for one banana. He eats the banana and goes to the chair. They shock him but somehow after the shock he's still alive.
Everyone in the room is like "Oh wow he lived, welp i guess we'll let him go." So off he goes back into the world (with a really poor legal system). He decides that he still wants to be a train conductor.
So he goes back to being one, he's so confident nothing will go wrong this time. Aaaand then he crashed again, killing even more people.
He went back to court again and of course the judge gave him the death sentence.
He goes back into the death chamber he was once in, and this time for his last meal he asks for just two bananas. He eats them and goes to the chair. They really dont want him to live so they push the electricity even higher this time. However once again he lives. Everyone in the room is so astonished they dont do anything when he walks out.
So this absolute madman decides to conduct trains again. What do you know he messes up again. So he goes to court and all that and he's back in the death chamber. When they ask what he wants for his final meal he says that he wants three bananas. They say "No you can't have your bananas, every time you've had them you survive the execution."
They don't give him his bananas or any other choice for a last meal and throw him into the chair. They crank the electricity up to full power and sparks fly everywhere, the room is filled with smoke. When the smoke clears, he's just sitting there smiling, unscathed. They're so confused and even scared, they ask him how he somehow survived a dose of electricity that should kill anything it touches. His answer?
"Well really im just not a good conductor."
Sorry for the long and probably badly written joke
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Blond woman has been stopped by police becouse of speeding..
Cop approaches the drivers door. "Is there a problem, Officer?"
Cop says, "Ma'am, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"
The woman responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one." "You don't have one?"
and she responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."
Cop is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?" "I'm sorry, I can't do that." cop asks, "Why not?" "I stole this car."
Cop says, "Stole it?"
And she says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."
At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what?"
"he is in the trunk if you want to see."
Cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.
The senior officer says, "Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!"
The blonde steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, sir?" "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner." "Murdered the owner?" She asks.
The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"
Woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but spare tire and tools.
The officer says, "Is this your car Ma'am?"
and she answers, "Yes" and hands over the registration papers. The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."
Then woman digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you, Ma'am. One of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."
Woman then replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you this was a repost, too!"
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One day I changed a lightbulb, crossed the road, and walked into a bar.
Then I realized my whole life was a joke.
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What do you call an army of babies?
Infantry
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Why can't you run through a camp ground?
You can only ran, because it's past tents.
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How do you stop a fight between two blind guys?
You yell, “I go for the one with the knife!”
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My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette.
Blew his mind.
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An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She’s chatting with St. Peter at the pearly gates when all of a sudden she hears the most bloodcurdling screams.
"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings."
The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation.
Ten minutes later, there are more loud and dreadful screams "Oh my God," says the old lady, "now what is happening?"
"Not to worry," says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."
"I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm going to hell."
"You can't go there," says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and sodomized."
"Maybe so," says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes for that.
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A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you.
The man replies,"Boobs!”
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My daughter has reached that age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex.
Just this morning she asked, “Is that the best you can do?”
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I once dated a girl with a lazy eye.
We broke up because she was seeing someone else the entire time.
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Why did the non-binary prospector go out west?
Because there was gold in them/their hills.
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How many optimists does it take to change a lightbulb.
None. They just find light in the darkness.
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15 Years of Addiction: An Intense Account of Heroin Withdrawal
Article URL: https://medium.com/the-mission/this-is-what-heroin-withdrawal-feels-like-8e0c3314ad15
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19534290
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
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