TIFU by getting my wife kicked out of hobby store.

TIFU by embarrassing my wife.

Short one

Today on my way from home I called my wife to plan for the weekend. She answered and we had normal talk as usual.

Then I said "hey when I get home tonight can I eat your (cat)"

Then she said "my full name including middle name!! IM ON SPEAKER!"

Then I hear a lady in the background seemingly upset say.

"Ma'am that was very inappropriate I need to ask you to leave."

Then my wife hangs up.

A few second later she calls me back.

I answer.

"Hey love bug McGug.

Her

Deep uncontrolled mouth breathing

Litteral hissing like you're holding the s sound for an entire breath.

Me

"Hello? Bub, are you there?"

Her

Yelling

"YES (my full name including middle) WHERE THE F*** DO YOU THINK I AM BECAUSE I CERTAINLY AM (NOT) while going extra loud for emphasis) AT HOOBLY LOOBLY,,,,, YOU KNOW, THE STORE YOU JUST GOT ME KICKED OUT OF!!"

me

"Oh, so where are you?"

Her

Less a yell and more a pissed off wife that stepped on a lego after telling her kids and or husband to pick up said lego nine times already.

"Oh I'm heading home, and absolutely NOT! you may NOT, eat my (cat) you'll be lucky to even see my (cat) for a F****** month!"

Me

"Oh, did they really kick you out and are you really embarrassed?"

Her

Angrier than before but it's cold, I'm going to make you Jimmy Hoffa when I get home voice.

"Yes dear, they did and yes dear I am!"

She got home and gave me the look

Then stomped into the kitchen, pulled out the junk drawer Then lifted and removed a wooden plate, then stuck her arm in the drawer elbow deep and pulled out a snickers bar.

Me

"What the f? We have snickers? "

Her

"No! IiiiI have snickers, besides your blood sugar!"

She then headed over to the study and pulled out her nook. All while mumbling aggressively under her breath.

She's letting me sleep in the same bed and not the couch but it's an awkward butt to butt situation....

Wish me luck folks, I see dark things in my near future.

TL:DR

today I said something sexual to my wife and didn't know she had me on speaker in a store. She got kicked out.

submitted by /u/functi0nalPsych0path to r/tifu
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