This is kinda embarrassing to write out, but I decided to book an appointment with someone for the first time. Some relevant info about me first I guess. It's Legal here (The Netherlands).
I'm 19 y.o. dude, extremely introverted and I just suck socially. I've been going to the gym the past year as a way to improve myself and gain confidence. I look muscular now, but the confidence is still nowhere to be found hah.. I've gotten interest from women but I basically can't function when it comes to flirting or whatever. I've had a girl ask me out and I just froze, I don't know what's wrong with me honestly. I don't pick up on signals and all that either.
So I had the great idea to visit a sex worker instead, so there would be no pressure and I could talk freely. Took me a long time to go through with it, but I found a 21 year old girl who's bio really spoke to me and obviously she's really beautiful too. She offered Girlfriend Experience and mentioned that she's open to all ages, so that's what I wanted basically.
Went over to her place yesterday, and I had booked for an hour. She opened the door and I felt intimidated, but we did click. She has a very bubbly personality and is absolutely stunning. We sat down together and it was quiet for a bit as I was trying to relax, and I told her about my lack of experience and that I didn't necessarily come to sleep with her. I don't mean that I want her to be my therapist (I have one already lol) but just to practice conversation and stuff. She said that she could tell, and that I had nothing to worry about. We just laid down on her bed and started talking, for talking to a a complete stranger the conversation flowed surprisingly well. She's doing this work besides her study. At one point she told me she had never seen someone like me, and that I had no reason to not be confident in myself. We got into some pretty personal stuff on both sides, and we just kept on talking and talking. We both had a huge smile on our faces, and we both teared up once and comforted each other. I've never opened up to anyone like that outside my shrink. But it just felt right, and for her it did too apparently. I certainly felt like I connected and chemistry if that's possible.
Meanwhile an hour had passed. When I noticed the hour was done I was getting ready to leave, but she told me to not worry about it and stay. I figured if she really wanted me to leave she wouldn't have a problem with telling me, so I stayed. She brought out some weed, and we got high and had an amazing time together. We laughed a lot and it felt like I had known her for years. She said she was happy to have finally met me (?), but she seemed really sad at the same time. Over 2 hours had passed and I had to go because of a dinner with family, she asked me to stay but I really couldn't because it's my grandma's birthday. She gave me her real phone number and insisted I messaged her tomorrow. I told her I would, and we hugged and kissed when I left and that was the only intimate thing that happened. As I was walking back to my house I noticed she had put the money in a pocket of my jacket, which is weird.
So I went to family dinner and I was completely out of it. Partly because I was still high and partly because I was so confused about what had happened, I realized I liked her. My family knows I smoke to deal with my anxiety so they didn't really think much of it. But I'm still left feeling confused.
I still haven't texted her and I'm afraid to do so, and I already feel bad because it's around dinner time here now. This all makes zero sense, this isn't what I had expected. This isn't what I had in mind when I went to the appointment yesterday, and I just don't know how to feel or what to do. I think the weed played a big role, and I don't want to be the same old weird dude. Sigh. I'm sorry if this is long but I just feel like shit. What do I even do at this point?
Added: She told me she wouldn't see me for another session, so I don't think it's about money here. I was only allowed to message her real number. I'm broke anyways lol.
ediit: Ahhh. Like I said I messaged her. She texted back pretty fast. She was really glad I ended up messaging her. She's coming over to my place tonight within the hour probably. Fuuck im stressing out here. It's real.
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