Wednesday, November 29, 2023

AITA for screaming at my brother that he’s the useless vegetable not my husband?

I’m sorry this is long, tldr at end

My (32F) husband ‘Keith’ (33M) got hit by a drunk driver about 10 months ago and he’s now paralyzed from the hips down. We have two daughters (5F and 2F).

It’s been really hard on him and he struggles with depression. Luckily he works at a desk job so he doesn’t have to worry about his employment, but it’s really affected him in other ways. He can’t play with our girls the way he used to. They still love him to bits but he feels guilty. He also can’t enjoy many of his old hobbies.

We got him a good therapist and he’s improving everyday with my and all our friend’s support. He’s had bad issues with his family in the past so we don’t communicate with them. He’s gotten along with my family very well up until now.

I have an older brother ‘Adam’ (35M) who is also paralyzed in a wheelchair. He was driving drunk when he was 21 and crashed. He dropped out of college and now lives a very isolated life with our parents. He spends most of his time playing video games.

He does a bit of online work every now and again but is mostly unemployed. Sometimes I wish our parents would encourage him to go out more and make some new friends, but I know I’ll never fully understand what he’s going through so I don’t comment. I didn’t want to make him feel worse.

In the past few months my husband and I have been visiting my parents a few times a week for dinner. He’s feeling better now and they only live a couple blocks down the road. Plus they love to see the girls. My brother joins us only occasionally. Over the past few dinners he’s been present at he keeps making weird and rude comments.

It started about a month and a half ago when Keith made a comment about how he’s thinking of returning to our local gym to work out his arms. Adam said something about how maybe I should just buy some at-home weights for him because people will mock him in the public gym. It got awkward and my mom quickly changed the subject.

At the next dinner Keith talked about how his friends organized a little fishing trip with him at a nearby lake in a few months. Adam chuckled and said he hoped he had fun at his pity-party. I was gonna tell him how rude that was but my dad shushed me and quickly asked our daughter something.

Adam’s comments have been increasing over the past few weeks and have become unbearable. We’ve even been going to their house less and less. I’ve snapped a him a few times only to get a pathetic half-assed apology. My parents keep saying Keith’s accident has brought up a lot of old feelings for Adam and he doesn’t truly mean what he says. They kept saying they’ll pull him aside one night and tell him to stop.

It all came to a head a couple days ago. We hadn’t been going over quite as often, but my older daughter had a ballet recital and we went to my parent’s house afterwards for dinner. Keith was telling her how proud he was but Adam cut in. He said that it’s a shame the handicapped seats in the auditorium were in the very front because she must’ve been embarrassed. Keith sternly asked him what he meant and he went on to talk about how he’s happy he got paralyzed young because he didn’t have to worry about embarrassing his kids by being a useless vegetable of a parent.

I got furious and started to scream at Adam about what a bastard he was. Keith has been doing his best to be the greatest father he can be, do well at his job, stay social + happy with his friends and he is goddamn succeeding. Which is more than I can say for Adam. Keith’s accident was not caused by his own mistake, but he has found the strength to continue with life. I know Adam has been through a lot but it was his own stupidity that made him what he is now. He can say whatever he wants, but everyone knows that he is the useless vegetable here, not Keith.

It got dead silent. Our youngest daughter began to cry. I grabbed up the girls and everything as quick as I physically could and went home. I turned my phone off because I started to get bombarded with texts. The few that I have read are my parents tearing me up for saying such cruel things. They agree Adam was out of line but I had no right to say all those things. Apparently now he won’t eat or come out of his room.

They’ve banged on my front door a couple times but I haven’t answered. Keith hasn’t wanted to talk about it all that much and I’ve heard him cry a couple times. My daughters are confused. I don’t even know what to feel. I wish that I had just told my brother to shut up and left instead of saying all of those things. I do love Adam but I still get so mad thinking of the awful things he said about my husband.

A few of my closest friends have said that even though Adam was awful he has had a really hard life since his accident. I should’ve just bit my tongue and had my parents deal with him. They suggested I apologize but then tell him how inappropriate and cruel he was. AITA?

TLDR: my husband Keith got into an accident that left him paralyzed, my brother Adam is also paralyzed, he insulted Keith and made a comment about him being a useless vegetable, I snapped and said he’s a useless vegetable, not my husband, he was very hurt and now I’m wondering if I took it too far

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Tuesday, November 28, 2023

Monday, November 27, 2023

Saturday, November 25, 2023

My boyfriend turned me bi

I(24f) thought I was a lesbian until I met my boyfriend(20m). My whole life until last year, I've only dated women, and I get grossed out thinking of myself with a guy. My boyfriend and I met at an event we both volunteered for, and we became friends. We got closer, and I started thinking about him more and more. When I realized that I developed feelings for him, it terrified me. My whole life, I'd thought I was a lesbian, and then I developed feelings for a guy. Everything I knew was wrong. I tried distancing myself from him in hopes the feelings would go away, but they didn't. I kept thinking about him, and I eventually gave in and asked him out. Once I convinced him that I wasn't joking, he accepted, and we started dating.

Dating him wasn't that different than dating a girl. The sex was so weird, but he was so accommodating. The first couple of times, he made sure I was comfortable and he was so careful and gentle. The thought of me with any other guy still grosses me out, but being with my boyfriend makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I have no idea why he's the only guy I like, but the year we've been together has been probably the best year of my life. He gets me, and he gives the best hugs. We live together, and he's an amazing roommate and an amazing boyfriend.

Edit: spelling

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Thursday, November 23, 2023

E-Sports for Conflict Resolution?

A while back i was watching POV footage of Ukraine/Russia warfare and there seemed to be this dark humor of comparing the warfare that these young-adults would go into, to Counter Strike Global Offensive (CSGO).

Given that the infantry forces that drive trench warfare i.e ground soldiers are typically young-adults that have now aged to play virtual video games.

Could there be an instance of widespread online consensus whereby young-adults internationally come to agree that physical warfare is senseless.

The senseless nature of warfare : "Empire of the Ants" by Bernard Werber

Sport has seemingly over the years been vector towards tension resolution (an international language). Given the abundant creative nature of e-sport why not have a warfare game (or any other game) that simulates planetary land and gives multiplayer access to a CSGO like environment.

Where physical land territory is determined by the active push of young-adults that love competitive gaming to rank and gain points for their country. Given a ranking system, history of successes achievements... ETC

Now you might tell me go outside and take some air...

But I have done enough digital wiretransfers for plots of land. Or payed for my food using a swipe of my apple pay to tell someone I deserved my food or plot of land by sending over some pixels/numbers on a screen.

It seems absurd and senseless to still fight over land physically using pre-historic methods.

Let me know what you think.

This idea arised when watching Lex Fridman's recent podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4wLXNydzeY&t=5s


Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=38352537

Points: 1

# Comments: 0



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Thursday, November 16, 2023

I got 80 empty rooms, put anything into one of them.

Basically my players ended up inside a magic train that flies all across the land. The train works a bit like the TARDIS, bigger on the inside. Basically there´s a numpad next to the carriage doors, you put a certain code in, and you go to whichever carriage you want.

The players recently found out that there might be a lot more than the 100 carriages the train managers claim. So they sent a guy to do a bit of "exploring" and come back with 80 documented carriages.

Of course, the easy way out would be to say: "The guy only got 10" or "He dissapeared in carriage 75, plot hook!"

But no.

I want to fill all 80 of them with the most stupid, pointless shit ever.

So I come to you!

here is some examples:

1 - A coach full of frogs

2 - A common carriage, but it smells like farts.

3- Another common carriage, but you can hear someone fart. You cant see them or smell them, but they are farting.

4- An empty room with a piece of cake in the middle (dont eat the cake)

5- God

6- Another frog

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Wednesday, November 15, 2023

Show HN: Brewed – Develop UI Components with AI

Article URL: https://brewed.dev/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=38253385

Points: 3

# Comments: 2



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Saturday, November 11, 2023

Friday, November 10, 2023

Yesterday, my girlfriend took me to Microcenter for my birthday…

Yesterday, my girlfriend took me to Microcenter for my birthday…

She did not let me pay for half 😞

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Thursday, November 9, 2023

Show HN: Create, read and share knowledge based books, generated by ChatGPT

Just provide a brief description, choose a language and let AI write the book for you.

Here are a few examples of generated books (but it is more fun to create your own):

1. The Rise of AI: A Journey Through History and Progress - https://booksbyai.app/OFdwhGb7280LD1IQ 2. Time Mastery - https://booksbyai.app/Ksq1L2OEqY1IyubO 3. Open Source Success - https://booksbyai.app/tVpZy3wkQoDtwKOs 4. The Cosmic Blueprint - https://booksbyai.app/fLaciiXJxDLPkkn7 5. Ancient Greek Technological Triumphs - https://booksbyai.app/9koxdWbpahPfq7bL 6. Electric Innovator: The Life of Nikola Tesla - https://booksbyai.app/REPOhr3ANFu554VG

What would you create a book about? Share your books and feedback in the comments.


Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=38208503

Points: 2

# Comments: 0



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Wednesday, November 8, 2023

American tourists abroad

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Tuesday, November 7, 2023

Where the fuck do people summon the drive to workout routinely?

The dieting, the lifting, the exercise. It’s all incredibly unpleasant, boring and time consuming. Every time I try I last a week or so. I hate every second of it.

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Sunday, November 5, 2023

Friday, November 3, 2023

Why do people say it's soo much easier raising teen dudes in comparisom to teen girls?

For context, I'm 18F(older teen) and my brother is 16M. I have never caused any trouble, and while I cry a lot and suffer from low self confidence I have never caused any trouble. Yet my parents and pretty much everyone on the internet echoes the same sexist sentiment about how boys, specifically teen boys are sooo much easier than girls. May I get a genuine explanation for this?

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Thursday, November 2, 2023

Wednesday, November 1, 2023

Road trip got exciting

Road trip got exciting

Is this staged ??

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AITA for telling ending my friendship because she said I am not a real mom because I send my kids to daycare?

This is a long story. My friend, Maddie (44f) and I (44f) have been friends since college. However, she had other plans as she always wanted to be a housewife. So, she dropped out of college and got married. I, on the other hand, have worked my way up. I wanted to build my own career before starting a family. That is why I didn't date much in my 20s. I put all my focus on my business and making it work. Because of that I lost touch with a lot of my friends, including Maddie. She has 5 kids, so she is also busy with her own thing. Over the years, Maddie has pressed a lot that I should get married, I will not find a good husband if I wait till 30s. She knows my trauma with relationships in the past. I wanted to heal properly before I started dating. Also this is one of the reasons why I lost touch with her.

I finally met my husband a little later. We decided to try for kids and it was a miracle that I got pregnant so easily at the age of 39 (My mother's side has a history of infertility). Maddie was happy for me. We decided to try for another kid and then another miracle and we ended up having twins. My twins are now 14 months old so we decided to put them in daycare. When my friend got to know about this she told me it is wrong for a child to stay away from their parents for a long time. She suggested that I should quit my work and be a full time mom now. And since we are financially well off we can afford it. Yes we are financially well off. And I have already taken a step back from my career till my kids go to preschool. But I do not want to quit my job.

She accused me of being a "fake mother". Because 1) I used epidural during both my delivery. 2) I hired nannies. 3) I put my kids in daycare. She thinks if you are not struggling as a mother, you are not a real mother. She said some pseudo science stuff that kids who go to daycare end up becoming a spoiled brat and disrespectful because they do not feel a mother's warmth. This was last straw. I told her to mind her own business and that her kids are no better since they always get in trouble. I know what is best for my children. There were a lot of arguing but the end result was that I blocked her and told her to not talk to me. I feel bad because we have been really close friends. We have known each other for more than 20 years. I do feel like an A-hole.

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