Read Better Quote: June 2022

A lawyer (L) walks in the court and meets a judge(his friend) (J) exiting a courtroom and laughing his ass off.
L - Hey, why you laugh so hard?
J - Oh, i'v just heard a very good joke.
L - care to share it?
J - No, can't. Just sentenced a guy for life for telling that joke.

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Tuesday, June 28, 2022

Next month is No-Buy July, and a great time to start

Article URL: https://teddit.net/r/simpleliving/comments/vl4c7r/looking_to_live_better_with_less_try_a_nobuy_next/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31911487

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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Don’t Cheat on the Ethics Exam

Article URL: https://www.bloomberg.com/opinion/articles/2022-06-28/don-t-cheat-on-the-ethics-exam

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31911475

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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Bringing the power of deep learning to data in tables

Article URL: https://www.amazon.science/blog/bringing-the-power-of-deep-learning-to-data-in-tables

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31911455

Points: 2

# Comments: 0

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Waymo’s self-driving trucks will deliver home goods for Wayfair

Article URL: https://www.theverge.com/2022/6/28/23186715/waymo-self-driving-trucks-deliver-wayfair-home-goods

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31911444

Points: 2

# Comments: 0

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AI generated artwork inspired by current events

Article URL: https://prompt.press

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31911443

Points: 2

# Comments: 0

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Howard Stern Considers Running for President to Overturn Supreme Court: ‘I’m Not F—ing Around’

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Howard Stern Considers Running for President to Overturn Supreme Court: ‘I’m Not F—ing Around’

Two recent college graduates walk into the mens room at the same time.

They proceed to the urinals to relieve their bladders. When they finish one walks to the sink and washes his hands. The other about to exit without washing his hands. Sink guy- at Harvard they taught us to wash our hands after using the restroom. Other guy- at my college they taught us not to piss on our hands.

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Monday, June 27, 2022

Castlevania: Rondo of Blood

Article URL: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castlevania:_Rondo_of_Blood

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31898852

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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Where exactly are they going to live?

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Where exactly are they going to live?

damn, this hit home.

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damn, this hit home.

Healthcare should be inherent and free.

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Healthcare should be inherent and free.

Ethereum Mining Is Going Away, and Miners Are Not Happy - The shift from proof-of-work to proof-of-stake will cut power consumption sharply—and leave some expensive technology searching for new uses.

submitted by /u/speckz to r/technology
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Ethereum Mining Is Going Away, and Miners Are Not Happy - The shift from proof-of-work to proof-of-stake will cut power consumption sharply—and leave some expensive technology searching for new uses.

Carl, Incubator of Germs

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Carl, Incubator of Germs

In honor of Pride Month, here's my "Gay man on a bus" joke [Long]

A gay man, let’s call him Jeff, is on a bus and sees a very handsome man a few seats away. When the handsome man gets off the bus, Jeff follows him. The man walks into a medical building and into an office. Jeff is delighted to find out that this man is a doctor, and is thrilled to find out that he is a proctologist. Jeff immediately makes an appointment. It turns out that, due to a last-minute cancellation, Jeff can be seen right then.

As the doctor begins looking at his anus, Jeff starts giggling. The doctor says, “hey, I’m not into that, so I’m going to ask you to leave.” Disappointed, Jeff slinks out the door.

A few days later, Jeff shows up again at the office, complaining of pain in his rectum. The doctor says, “is this some sort of trick, because I told you I’m not into that.”

“I assure you,” says Jeff, “that this is some pretty serious pain.” The doctor says okay and begins examining Jeff’s rectum.

“Oh my goodness, I can see the stem ends of what looks like 12 roses up your butt,” says the doctor.

“Read the card! Read the card!”

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Sunday, June 26, 2022

Arm most likely to list on the Nasdaq, says SoftBank CEO

Article URL: https://www.theregister.com/2022/06/24/arm_nasdaq/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31887164

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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The ultra rich in Buenos Aires took away the natural habitat of Capybaras, but now they're coming back!

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The ultra rich in Buenos Aires took away the natural habitat of Capybaras, but now they're coming back!

Fight not flight

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Fight not flight

I'm done making Peter Pan jokes

They Never land

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Why you don’t see white dog poo anymore (2019)

Article URL: https://www.drool.pet/blogs/the-why/mystery-solved-why-you-don-t-see-white-dog-poo-anymore

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31886683

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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Saturday, June 25, 2022

My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3 years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100.

I lost Interest in that relationship.

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How to self host your own domain name

Article URL: https://blog.technitium.com/2022/06/how-to-self-host-your-own-domain-name.html

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31877562

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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2 killed and 21 injured in mass shooting in Norway.

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2 killed and 21 injured in mass shooting in Norway.

A policeman stands near the road...

Waiting for some cars to pass by. Finally a family sedan appears in his sight and as the car approaches the officer gives a signal to the driver to pull up. A young man and a young woman are sitting on the front seats while an elderly pair had taken the seats behind them. The sedan stops and the policeman staggers to the driver's window.

"'Mornin, officer" says the man behind the wheel

"Good morning, sir" coughing ". Well, it's a shame but it appears that the patrol car is out of fuel and I need to go to the town. Would you mind to give me a lift?"

"No problem" answers the driver.

So the policeman takes his seat between the elderly man and his wife and they all embark on. When the car reaches the town the officer says joyfully:

"Mister, you're a heck of a good driver. It was a pleasure to travel with you behind the wheel."

Driver: "Thanks, officer. Do you think I'm good enough to earn a driving license?"

Officer: "Wait a minute, you don't have a license!"

The young woman:"Oh, don't listen to him, officer, he's talking nuts when he's drunk"

Officer: "The fuck he is!"

The older woman: "I warned you we shouldn't go nowhere with a stolen car."

Officer: "...?"

The Grandpa, awakening: "So what, did we finally cross the border? That fella in the boot is already stinky."

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A truck carrying vicks vaporub overturned on the highway.

Amazingly there was no congestion for 8 hours strait.

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Friday, June 24, 2022

US Capitol police arrive in full riot gear to protect the US Supreme Court

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US Capitol police arrive in full riot gear to protect the US Supreme Court

After telling Susan Collins that Roe was ‘settled law,’ Brett Kavanaugh calls it ‘wrongly decided’

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After telling Susan Collins that Roe was ‘settled law,’ Brett Kavanaugh calls it ‘wrongly decided’

How do trees access the internet?

they log on.

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The all CSS shorthand property

Article URL: https://developer.mozilla.org/en-US/docs/Web/CSS/all

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31867318

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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Calls for mass walkout of women across America if Roe v. Wade is overturned

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Calls for mass walkout of women across America if Roe v. Wade is overturned

Number 2 appeared on my wrist and I don't know how it got there. It's probably a dumb reason and just a coincidence, but I'd love to hear theories about it.

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Number 2 appeared on my wrist and I don't know how it got there. It's probably a dumb reason and just a coincidence, but I'd love to hear theories about it.

Back to the good ole’ days, amiright?

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Back to the good ole’ days, amiright?

Thursday, June 23, 2022

OpenAI has trained a neural network to competently play Minecraft

Article URL: https://twitter.com/OpenAI/status/1540032456559955968

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31854354

Points: 2

# Comments: 1

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Bees pay rent

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Bees pay rent

Artificial Photosynthesis Without Sunlight

Article URL: https://phys.org/news/2022-06-artificial-photosynthesis-food-sunshine.html

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31853521

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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This bird that looks like it's from a Fairy Tale, it's called a Eared Nightjar!

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This bird that looks like it's from a Fairy Tale, it's called a Eared Nightjar!

Oldie, but goodie - The Lone Ranger's Last Request

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.

The Indian Chief proclaims

"So, you are the great Lone Ranger"...

"In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."

"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"

"What is your FIRST request?'

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear,

And the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.

As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent

And spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.

"You have a very fine and loyal horse",

"But I will still kill you in two days."

"What is your SECOND request?"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.

Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.

As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns,

This time with a voluptuous brunette,

More attractive than the blonde.

She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.

"You are indeed a man of many talents,"

"But I will still kill you tomorrow."

"What is your LAST request?"

The Lone Ranger responds,

"I'd like to speak to my horse...alone."

The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,

"Listen Very Carefully!!!

FOR...THE...LAST...GODDAM TIME...

BRING A POSSE!!!!

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Three guys making a movie

Christopher Nolan: I'll produce

Leonardo Dicaprio: I'll act

Matthew McConaughey: I'll write I'll write I'll write

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Wednesday, June 22, 2022

What do you call a potato with a penis?

A dictator

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Three logicians walk into a bar

The bartender asks "does everybody want a drink?" Logician 1: "I don't know." Logician 2: "I don't know." Logician 3: "Yes."

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Quarkus 2.10.0.Final Now Available

Article URL: https://quarkus.io/blog/quarkus-2-10-0-final-released/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31840127

Points: 2

# Comments: 0

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At this point we have to assume the Uvalde police department was in it with the shooter (half sarcasm?)

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At this point we have to assume the Uvalde police department was in it with the shooter (half sarcasm?)

Johnny lives in a society...

Johnny asks his dad how a country runs. His dad thinks and replies, ‘Well, it’s like this. I earn the money in the house, so I’m the rich. Your mom takes care of running the home, so she is the government. The maid is the working class, and your baby brother is the future. And finally you Johnny, are the average citizen.’

That night Johnny is woken up by his baby brother’s cries. He goes to the crib and notices that his brother has soiled his diapers. He runs to his mom and finds her fast asleep. He then goes to the maid’s room and finds her in bed with his father. He returns to his bed.

The next day Johnny tells his dad that he has the working of a country all figured out. His dad asks him to explain.

“A country is where an average citizen can’t get proper sleep, as the rich are fucking the working class, the government is fast asleep and the future is all shitty,” Johnny explains.

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Lads if you are bored!

Phone up women's rights groups...

And ask to speak to the man in charge.

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Tuesday, June 21, 2022

Do you read what you write before you post it?

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Do you read what you write before you post it?

why cant pirates sing the alphabet?

They keep getting lost at "C"....

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US settles with Facebook over allegations of discriminatory advertising

Article URL: https://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/justice-department-secures-groundbreaking-settlement-agreement-meta-platforms-formerly-known

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31827495

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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What Colombia's swing left means for the U.S.

Article URL: https://www.axios.com/2022/06/21/colombia-leftist-petro-biden-relations

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31827482

Points: 2

# Comments: 1

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Islamic Extremists, claiming Yoga to be Haram, disrupt Yoga event organized in the Maldives on the occasion of World Yoga Day.

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Islamic Extremists, claiming Yoga to be Haram, disrupt Yoga event organized in the Maldives on the occasion of World Yoga Day.

I never wanted to believe the rumors about my company’s tech department being abusive until I had to have them come fix an issue with my office computer.

And then IT hit me.

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Monday, June 20, 2022

The origin: why Porsche announced an SUV in 1998

Article URL: https://newsroom.porsche.com/en/2022/products/porsche-cayenne-anniversary-20-years-success-story-origin-28744.html

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31814801

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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Never let them know your next move🗿

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Never let them know your next move🗿

I don't think I'm going to keep playing wordle.

I ran out of guesses yesterday, and it called me a loser.

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Falken’s Maze: Game Theory, Computer Science, and the Cold War (2016)

Article URL: https://wearethemutants.com/2016/12/15/falkens-maze-game-theory-computer-science-and-the-real-life-cold-war-inspirations-for-wargames/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31813948

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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Napoleon at the annual military parade in Moscow

Napoleon is at the annual military parade in Moscow, alongside Putin, engrossed in reading a newspaper.
At his side, Marshal Ney blurts out to him "Your Majesty, look! If only we had such guns, we would not lose Waterloo!"
Napoleon keeps reading. Ney blurts out again, "Your Majesty, look! If only we had such tanks, we would not lose Waterloo!"
Napoleon only keeps reading. Ney blurts out the third time, "Your Majesty, look! If only we had such rockets, we would not lose Waterloo!"

Napoleon finally looks up from his copy of Pravda, and wistfully says to Ney, "If only we had such newspapers, nobody would ever know that we lost Waterloo"

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