Tuesday, May 31, 2022

Graham Hancock – The Amazon Mystery

Article URL: https://grahamhancock.com/the-amazon-mystery/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31573161

Points: 2

# Comments: 0



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What did the blind man say when he touched sandpaper for the first time?

"What the fuck did I just read?"

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is this fair?

is this fair? submitted by /u/proud_cuteservative to r/fuckcars
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 is this fair?

What is black and white and red all over

2 nuns in a chainsaw fight

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Sunday, May 29, 2022

Return to Monkey Island Dev Diary

Article URL: https://grumpygamer.com/dev_diary

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31552065

Points: 1

# Comments: 0



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AKAI MPC 3000: The Best Drum Machine of All Time

Article URL: https://audiojive.com/akai-mpc-3000/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31551544

Points: 2

# Comments: 0



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Saturday, May 28, 2022

What’s the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn’t beat cancer

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Gripe to HN: Abandoned Hardware

Perfectly functional hardware that just lacks software support, rendering it practically useless. Such a waste.


Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31542648

Points: 1

# Comments: 4



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Red Flag in Monaco

Red Flag in Monaco submitted by /u/SUPER_COCAINE to r/formuladank
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Without Systemd

Article URL: https://without-systemd.org/wiki/index_php/Main_Page/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31533925

Points: 1

# Comments: 0



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Is it wrong to be upset my fiance wants a open relationship?

The title says it all my fiance said she feels like she's missing out on life and wants to be able to see other people even with us starting slow so she had time before we got official to do all that.. She didn't really like me saying no and kept asking to at least flirt with and lead guys on even after me saying no. This has really sent me into a mental down spiral because now I have the constant feeling I'm not enough and she is just stuck being unhappy with me.

submitted by /u/LucyLovesALot to r/TooAfraidToAsk
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 Is it wrong to be upset my fiance wants a open relationship?

Before my abusive father left, he was really enthusiastic about vacuuming

He would always say "Whenever I look at your face I want you to Dyson"

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Codeball – AI-powered code review

Article URL: https://codeball.ai/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31533180

Points: 3

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Thursday, May 26, 2022

TIFU by visiting my batsh*t crazy family in Oklahoma

TL;DR my mom and sister tried getting me committed to a mental hospital to gain power of attorney, file a proxy divorce, and steal my wife’s money.

Some backstory: my wife was scheduled for a business trip so I decided that during her time away I would go visit my family. Since they live in the United States’ heart of methheadism: the great state of Okla-run&dontlookback-homa, I knew it would be a chaotic visit but had no idea what exactly was in store for me this time around.

After letting my mom know what dates I was coming for the visit, I started getting some weirder than normal texts.

Now usually texts from my family go something like this: “I read online that snorting hydrogen peroxide is good for your health” Or “We’re taking out a loan to buy a chateau because the jacuzzi we just bought doesn’t fit in the house.” Mind you, both of my parents are broke, refuse to apply for jobs, and are largely living off my siblings’ incomes.

But this time, I got a flurry of text messages accusing my wife of secretly abusing me. The reason these messages were so odd is that my family has known my wife for over ten years and she is literally the sweetest person ever. And ironically enough, my parents are the ones with the past history of abusing all of their kids. Verbally, emotionally, physically, and financially. And my angel of a wife has consistently loved and supported me through the ptsd aftermath of growing up with that kind of abuse.

So after reassuring my mom that my wife is still the same sweet, non-abusive person as always, she started going on about “secret knowledge” she had and wouldn’t tell me what it was. Finally I just chalked it up to her being bored and trying to start some sh*t for entertainment purposes.

So fast forward to the actual familial visit. Woke up exhausted and decided to treat myself to some coffee at a local coffee shop. The one I was going to was about a five mile drive from where my parents’ live. But I’d been so stressed out from the usual family arguments and gaslighting that highway hypnosis kicked in and I ended up half an hour away. Realizing I’d have to drive half an hour back, I went ahead and called my mom to let her know so she wouldn’t worry.

Shortly thereafter, my sister calls me. She goes on about how highway hypnosis proves I’m “unhinged” and “delusional.” She says I must have something wrong with my brain and need immediate medical attention at an ER. But not the closest ER to me—the closest ER to her (she lives two hours from my parents). She says I need to see Dr. X and have him sign paperwork to get me checked in to a mental ward for my own safety. When I tell her she’s overreacting and that I’m perfectly okay it was just me zoning out and going on autopilot for the drive, she tells me she and my mom have been noticing a worsening pattern in my cognitive behavior for awhile. I ask her what behavior and she won’t give me a clear answer.

Anyway, I get back to my parents’ house and go into their guest house to finish my coffee and send a few emails before fully starting the day. Except I hear a noise in my mom’s office (next to the room I’m staying in) so naturally I decide to check it out. Spoiler: it was my mom’s cat knocking down a folder full of papers from her desk.

Going to pick the papers up, something catches my eye: my name. On paper after paper, there was my name. On an involuntary civil commitment (needing a physician’s approval signature for indefinite commitment), power of attorney going to my mother upon my involuntary commitment, proxy divorce papers to be filed on my behalf against my wife, and written statements by my family that my wife had abused me and were therefore requesting annual alimony to be paid to my soon-to-be power of attorney for the remainder of my involuntary commitment.

My blood ran cold. Of all the ways to extort my wife for money, they were trying to get me locked up for life in a psychiatric ward to do it.

I called my wife, packed my bags, and left without saying goodbye.

Edit:

Thank you all for the advice and positivity! I just wanted to add these updates:

  1. The reason I felt it was okay to leave the cat is that my parents treat her like a cat goddess. I think it’s common with a lot of narcs that they’re able to love pets/plants unconditionally but not their own kiddos.

  2. This isn’t the first time they’ve tried getting me committed sadly. In high school a decade ago we were having a big fight and my parents tried forcing me into the car to take me to an ER to be committed (also I had to use the bathroom in the middle of the fight. They followed me to the bathroom to continue fighting with me and ended up physically dragging me off the toilet). I realize most families aren’t like this and I should’ve gone NC a long time ago. Narcissistic abuse screws with your head pretty badly and I still deal with bad bouts of guilt that make me think I’m in the wrong and need to make amends.

  3. I’m applying for a new SSN and changing my name. My SSN has also never worked properly so it might not even be a real one. Thank you for all the advice on things I hadn’t even considered could happen! I appreciate it! And I’m sorry to everyone who has gone through the same thing. You don’t deserve that shit and I hope you’re able to live a happy stress-free life!

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 TIFU by visiting my batsh*t crazy family in Oklahoma

There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident.

He became very depressed because he had loved to play guitar and do a lot of things that took two arms.

One day he had had it. He decided to commit suicide and went to the top of a building to jump off.

He was standing on the ledge looking down when he saw a man skipping along, whistling and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw this man didn't have any arms at all. He started thinking, “What am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself? I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk happy and going on with his life.”

He hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly and useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if he could go on with no arms.

The man with no arms began dancing and whistling and kicking up his heels again.

"Why are you so happy anyway?"

The guy replied, "I'm not happy. My nuts are itchy!"

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How do you say bye to a vampire?

So long sucker

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Why can't Kevin Spacey win at blackjack (despite his role in "21")?

He keeps hitting on 17.

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A man gets pulled over for speeding.

The cop starts lecturing him on road safety and being a responsible driver, to which the man replies, “Officer, I’m incredibly mindful of safe driving and responsibility. That’s why I need to get home fast before all the drinks kick in!”

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Tuesday, May 24, 2022

Viva Las Vegas?

Article URL: https://www.hardtowrite.com/lasvegas/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31496070

Points: 1

# Comments: 0



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RIP Bill Slawski

Article URL: https://www.searchenginejournal.com/memoriam-bill-slawski/451034/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31496050

Points: 2

# Comments: 0



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Stripe Apps

Article URL: https://stripe.com/docs/stripe-apps

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31496042

Points: 1

# Comments: 0



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One day my dad visit a doctor.

Then the doctor starts questioning my dad while filling out a form.

Doctor : "Name?"

Dad : "Henry"

Doctor : "Age?"

Dad : "E, N, R, Y."

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Monday, May 23, 2022

Pioneer Plaque

Article URL: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pioneer_plaque

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31484003

Points: 1

# Comments: 0



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I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with her personal trainer...

Me; "Okay, this is not working out."

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Thuperheroeth

A guy was walking down the street when he glanced down an alley and saw that it was almost entirely demolished. In the center of the rubble laid a man with all his teeth missing and blood pouring from his mouth.

The bystander ran up to the injured man. "What happened?"

"Well, I wath jutht walking along, minding my own buthinethth, when all of a thudden a group of bank robberth ran by. And they were being followed by that group of thuperheroeth."

"The Avengers?"

"Yeah, them! Anyway, a big green guy jumped in the air and landed in the middle of them and thtarted fighting them."

"The Hulk?"

"Yeah, that guy! Then a guy in an iron thuit joined the fight and thtarted firing light beamth at them."

"Iron Man?"

"Yeah, him! Then a guy with a winged helmet pulled out a giant hammer and threw it at the criminalth, but the hammer hit the wall and I got hit in the mouth with a whole lot of brickth!"

"Thor?"

"I'll thay, it hurtth like hell!"

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The US Marines, Delta Force and the Harris County Sheriff's Department are on one of those team building weekends out in the woods.

The US Marines, Delta Force and the Harris County Sheriff's Department are on one of those team building weekends out in the woods.

First night and the instructor says "Right guys. First night out in the woods! Your first test is to go catch your dinner. I want each team to go out and catch a rabbit!"

First up are the Marines. They put on the war paint, load up with more guns and ammo than a small African nation and go charging off into the woods hollering and screaming.

Five minutes later all hell breaks loose. Grenades, 50 calibers, tracer, you name it. And out come the Marines with the charred remains of what was once a rabbit.

"Well done guys! Now eat your dinner!"

Next up is Delta Force. They slip on the all black coveralls, the ski masks, the night vision goggles, a silenced pistol each and off they slither into the woods, hardly seen, completely silent.

Nothing is heard for 15 minutes, but then there's the almost silent "phut phut" of a double tap, and Delta Force emerges with a dead rabbit, one hole in its chest, the other right between the eyes.

Finally, it's the Harris County Sheriff's Department. They jump into their cars, light up, the sirens are going, a helicopter zooms in overhead, dogs come out....

And an hour later they emerge with a squirrel. In little squirrel handcuffs, orange PJs and little squirrel leg irons.

The little squirrel is still alive, but has a black eye, a fat lip, it's limping, one of its little arms is in a sling.

The instructor exclaims "Guys! That's not a rabbit! That's a squirrel!"

One of the deputies gives the squirrel a little kick in the back.

"Okay! Okay! I'm a f#$%ing rabbit!!"

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Sunday, May 22, 2022

How can you tell a little kid a thing like that?

On the first day of school, a first-grade teacher goes around the room, asking the six-year-olds what their parents do for a living.

Little Billy says, "My Dad is an engineer, and my Mom is a secretary."

Then little Susie says, "My Dad is an accountant, and my Mom is a waitress."

Then little Johnny says, "My Dad plays the piano in a whorehouse, and my Mom stays home to take care of me and my sister."

The teacher gives Johnny a note to take home, asking his father to come see her.

The next day, Johnny's father shows up at the school, and the teacher says, "Johnny told me what you do for a living. That you play the piano at a whorehouse!"

"Oh that!" the man says, and makes a face. "Actually I'm a lawyer, but how can you tell a little kid a thing like that?"

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Is equity the only way to incentivise contributors in the absence of salary?

Firstly, I'm not from the startup world, have never been in one, and dont know all the standard models, so forgive me if this sounds naive.

But I'm working on a startup idea. I'm looking to bring on some contributors to help with content and business development and I can't pay unless I get funded which I'm hoping to avoid for now. Offering equity feels like overkill for the type of work. I'm basically looking to get some freelance contributors to work on a risk basis, but with an overly generous upside if the business works.

I'm envisioning something like a revenue share type agreement.

Needless to say the contributors would have to strongly believe in the idea in order to take this risk. But if we could put that aside for a moment, I'm asking if there are existing models in the ballpark of what I am describing so that I don't have to try and reinvent the wheel.


Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31471164

Points: 3

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Republican Christians

Republican Christians submitted by /u/DaFunkJunkie to r/PoliticalHumor
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 Republican Christians

Why do a lot of men lie about their politics when they’re pursuing women?

I’ve seen this happen way too much with my friends too. Like guys on bumble would write “apolitical” in the politics section and then end up spouting the worst most bigoted garbage ever. Even if they want a long term relationship, they still hide their political beliefs for a long time. Is it because they’re ashamed of their beliefs? Or is it because they know that women won’t date them if they come to know?

I’ve been seeing so many posts from straight women lately who are completely flabbergasted by their partner’s reactions to the abortion bans in the USA. A lot of people might say “discuss politics before you start dating” but a LOT of men pretend to give some neutral answer to questions or steer the conversation why. It’s a little disturbing to me and I’m a little scared about dating now.

Edit: someone sent Reddit Cares my way. I am actually thankful because I wasn’t doing so well mentally. Thank you for the amazing responses everyone! I am truly grateful. I am 19F and still quite inexperienced when it comes to dating so I just wanted to understand the motivations behind this lying and deceiving. But I received a lot of in-depth answers that are honestly very enriching and helpful. I am extremely grateful! :)

Edit 2: I love how a question about some men’s dishonesty regarding their political beliefs just to get date someone welcomed a bunch of maidenless folks crying about women’s extreme political beliefs. It’s like magic. As if women aren’t allowed to disagree with you so you’ll HAVE to lie and deceive to get your way.

Edit 3: The American conservative men in my DMs are ANGRY. Like full on kill-yourself-foid level angry. I wonder why. Bless Reddit’s awesome block feature though.

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 Why do a lot of men lie about their politics when they’re pursuing women?

Gangam Style ft. Newton's Pendulum

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 Gangam Style ft. Newton's Pendulum

I am afraid of bumps

I'm slowly getting over it.

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Saturday, May 21, 2022

Doctor: (handing me my new born baby) I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it

Me: (handing baby back to him) Bring me the one my wife made

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“I Have a Dream”: Annotated

Article URL: https://daily.jstor.org/annotations-i-have-a-dream/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31460477

Points: 1

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A recent police study found that..

you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

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Two nuns are sitting in their car one evening, stuck at traffic lights.

As the lights turn green, out of nowhere, a vampire appears in front of their car!

Sister Mary turns to the more experienced Sister Agnes and cries out "Sister! A manifestation of pure evil! What shall we do!?"

Sister Agnes, with all of her holy wisdom, stays calm and says "Sister Mary, I'm driving, you stick your head out of the window now and show him your cross, repel the foul beast!"

So Sister Mary winds down her window and screams "WILL YOU GET OUT OF OUR FUCKING WAY YOU MORON! CAN'T YOU SEE THE LIGHTS HAVE TURNED FUCKING GREEN!?"

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A mime in my town was arrested by the police after he broke his left hand in a bar fight.

He still….has the right to remain silent.

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The monocle joke

A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."

So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. Meanwhile a second monocle emerges from the bathroom. They bump into each other as they cross paths and fall to the floor, hopelessly entangled. They try to get free but the more they struggle, the more tangled they become.

The bartender looks down on this travesty and shakes his head. "Hey you two!" he shouts. "Stop making spectacles of yourselves!"

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My wife thought it would be fun if we each have a list of 3 people that would be OK to sleep with if given the chance.

Her list: Paul Rudd, Adam Levine, and Channing Tatum

My list: Her best friend Stephanie, that barista at our coffee shop, and my ex girlfriend

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What’s the opposite of Holy Water?

Nestle

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Tuesday, May 17, 2022

What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it?

Post office

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Ask HN: What are some good founder slack/discord groups

hi all I run a free newsletter called bulletpitch, (http://bulletpitch.xyz) We write up on founders and companies that are disrupting their industries. I'm looking for some good channels to check out what founders are doing. All recommendations welcome!


Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31414736

Points: 1

# Comments: 1



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Ask HN: Mid-month check-in for May 2022?

goals, issues, updates, etc.

you, side hustles, startups, founders, ICs, VCs, come one, come all!


Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31414716

Points: 1

# Comments: 0



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Monday, May 16, 2022

True story

True story submitted by /u/President_Xi_ to r/ProgrammerHumor
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 True story