Read Better Quote: January 2022

Monday, January 31, 2022

hi my boyfriend left me for his ex who is a model/ballerina/all around fairy princess. I have the emotional capacity of a 12 year old boy and do art. I wear glasses. can’t smile. treat the gym like therapy. Those are my fun facts idk make me feel something again

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hi my boyfriend left me for his ex who is a model/ballerina/all around fairy princess. I have the emotional capacity of a 12 year old boy and do art. I wear glasses. can’t smile. treat the gym like therapy. Those are my fun facts idk make me feel something again

Cursed hobby

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Cursed hobby

me_irl

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me_irl

We are adopting this baby tomorrow and need help naming him. We want a villainous name 😂😁

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We are adopting this baby tomorrow and need help naming him. We want a villainous name 😂😁

Donald Trump attacks “racist” Black prosecutors investigating his potential crimes | Abandoning the dogwhistle, Trump implored the MAGA crowd to return him to "that beautiful, beautiful house that happens to be white."

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Donald Trump attacks “racist” Black prosecutors investigating his potential crimes | Abandoning the dogwhistle, Trump implored the MAGA crowd to return him to

A duck walks into a psychiatrist's office...

He sits on the couch and the two stare at each other in silence for a moment. Eventually the duck says, "Quack."

"Get out of here!" yells the psychiatrist. "I won't be ridiculed in my office."

The duck travels to another psychiatrist's office. He sits on the couch. The two look at each other in silence for a time. Again, the duck says, "Quack."

"An insult!" shouts the psychiatrist. "I'll have you know I was top of my class. Get out!"

The duck travels to a third psychiatrist. He sits on the couch. They stare at each other for a short while. The psychiatrist says, "You hate your father, you worry about money, and you're lonely".

"Finally," says the duck. "Those other two quacks were idiots."

ed note: I came up with this while brushing my teeth this morning. Maybe I'm a depressed duck.

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I made a concoction with half part laxatives and 4 parts alphabet soup...

I call it Letter Rip.

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Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years.

Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three mates get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

"Shit Ron, how long you been here? How did you talk your missus into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since last night. After dinner at home yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'

I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing sexy brand new lingerie. She said she had been reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and she had a devilish look in her eyes!!!

She took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over.

On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes!

She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.

And then she said, 'Do whatever you want.'

So . . . . here I am!"

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Sunday, January 30, 2022

No time to scrape…

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No time to scrape…

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

If we don’t get the proper support, people will think we’re nuts.

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Munich State Court Finds Use of Google Fonts in Violation of GDPR

Article URL: https://twitter.com/fascinatingtech/status/1487342734906171393

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30139790

Points: 2

# Comments: 0

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She won hands down

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She won hands down

every time man

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every time man

An airplane crashes onto an old cemetery

The police reports over 3.500 dead people

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Saturday, January 29, 2022

Bringing back an oldie but GOODIE (best actually)

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Bringing back an oldie but GOODIE (best actually)

Oh, you´re surprised Jeff Epstein committed suicide?

Imagine how surprised Jeff must have been.

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Did you hear about the tortilla factory that had ties to the mob?

Turns out it was a shell company.

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I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.

The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.

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The military has invented a new missile that turns everything in its vicinity to gold

They’re calling it the Automic bomb

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I called the premature ejaculation support group to find out what the dress code was.

Apparently, most members just come in their pants.

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Hidden Secrets to Making a New Microservices Cluster a Success

Article URL: https://christine.website/blog/make-microservices-cluster-2022-01-27

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30129009

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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Friday, January 28, 2022

I did my first stand up routine in Chernobyl last night

I got glowing reviews

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Israel becomes 15th nation to join Artemis Accords

Article URL: https://spacenews.com/israel-becomes-15th-nation-to-join-artemis-accords/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30118677

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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Crab: The orb guardian.

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Crab: The orb guardian.

Any time anyone paints a room in a movie starterpack

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Any time anyone paints a room in a movie starterpack

A man walks into a monastery where the monks practice a regimen of strict silence.

Wishing to join their ranks, he agrees to the rules: silence is paramount, and it is forbidden to utter even a single unnecessary word.

After five years of utter silence, the man raises his hand at lunch, signaling for permission to speak. Permission is granted, and he says two words: “I’m cold.” The head monk makes a gesture, and the man is given a warm sweater to help him withstand the cold winds drafting through the stone building.

Five more years of silence pass before the man raises his hand again, this time at dinner. Again, he sounds but two words: “I’m hungry.” The head monk gestures to the kitchen staff, and the man’s bread ration is increased.

Five more silent years pass, and the man raises his hand during breakfast for permission to speak. Again, it is two words: “I’m leaving.”

“Good,” the head monk blurts out, “Since you arrived here, all you’ve done is complain!”

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Thursday, January 27, 2022

In this rare footage from October 29, 1956, Queen Elizabeth II greets Marilyn Monroe at a film premiere. The two met at the premiere of The Battle of the River Plate in London's Leicester Square.

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In this rare footage from October 29, 1956, Queen Elizabeth II greets Marilyn Monroe at a film premiere. The two met at the premiere of The Battle of the River Plate in London's Leicester Square.

Protesting with a “choose adoption” sign

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Protesting with a “choose adoption” sign

the script of No Way Home has officially been released, and I thought this part was particularly hilarious

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the script of No Way Home has officially been released, and I thought this part was particularly hilarious

Why do priests always drink the cheapest sacrimental wine?

Because it's God swill.

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“Independence. Prime Time” [pdf]

Article URL: https://uinp.gov.ua/elektronni-vydannya/nezalezhnist-naykrashchyy-chas-fotoalbom/zavantazhyty-elektronnu-versiyu/nezalezhnist-naykrashchyy-chas-independence-prime-time1

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30104408

Points: 1

# Comments: 1

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75m subs, the future is not looking too bright.

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75m subs, the future is not looking too bright.

Wednesday, January 26, 2022

Restitution Activist Tried Stealing Indonesian Artwork Thinking It Was African

Article URL: https://www.asian-dawn.com/2020/10/31/restitution-activist-tried-stealing-indonesian-artwork-thinking-it-was-african/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30090734

Points: 2

# Comments: 0

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Landing: Air Force vs Navy

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Landing: Air Force vs Navy

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven (credits to u/DerRaumdenker)

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says "Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be."

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and poof she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and poof she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini." St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says. "Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun. St. Peter shakes his head and says; "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

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