Article URL: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/07/smarter-living/how-to-be-happier-at-work.html
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785730
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest https://nyti.ms/2Ul7xi4
Tuesday, April 30, 2019
A Deceptively Simple Way to Find More Happiness at Work
from Hacker News: Newest https://nyti.ms/2Ul7xi4
A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.
’About 32,’ is the reply.’
‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’
Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’
‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2V44R8L
The only person that keeps me from commiting suicide
is that guy instantly upvoting anything I post.
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2GTg5V4
I can't take my dog to the park anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.
Guess that's what i get for buying a pure bread dog.
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2VzJ6NB
Son asked his dad “Dad, what is an alcoholic?”
Dad replied “You see those four trees over there? Well an alcoholic would see eight.”
“Dad, I only see two trees”
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2WmbcZC
What do you call a philosopher who's banging a prostitute?
Someone who's deep in thot.
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2URqrYZ
My girlfriend asked me to stop singing wonderwall to her..
I said maybe..
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2ZJTC3S
My grandpa always says, “When one door closes, another opens.”
He was a good man, but a lousy cabinet maker.
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2XYLdIr
A lawyer was walking down the street...
When he spotted a woman with spectacular breasts. He immediately offered her $100 if she would let him bite them. “No way!” She exclaimed “What about for $1000?” He persisted “No certainly not what kind of woman do you think I am?” “You wouldn’t even do it for $10,000,” he asked. The woman was astounded. “You’ll pay me $10,000 if I let you bite my breasts?” “That’s correct.” “Okay let’s go over to that alley.” Once in the alley she took off her blouse and the lawyer felt them, kissed them, and sucked them. She was beginning to get impatient. “Are you gonna bite them or what?” she snapped. “No,” he said “too expensive”
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2GTnzr3
A man and his son are driving past a graveyard.
Suddenly, the son leans forward and asks, "Do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
Surprised, the man said, "Of course not! Why ask such a question?"
His son replied, well I read a gravestone that read, "Here lies a lawyer and an honest man".
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2PBw2Ss
A blind man walks into the restaurant..
The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork.
He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him.
The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.
"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen.
The cook happens to be the owner's wife.
He tells her what had just happened.
The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.
"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.
The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen.
He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man."
Mary complies and hands her husband the fork.
As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here..."
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2UIgXzj
I don't understand why people spoil movies...
What's their endgame?
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2V7syx5
If I had a nickel for every time I didn’t know what was going on..
...I’d be like “why do I keep getting all these fucking nickels?”
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2DF63F3
***SPOILER ALERT***
Check your milk's expiration date.
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2V2ShXj
I was never constipated as a kid
My dad would regularly beat the shit out of me
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2LccMwo
A list of puns
I didn't know why the baseball was getting bigger. And then it hit me.
I'm know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
I didn't know where the boomerang went. And then it came to me.
Did you hear about the guy who's left arm was cut off? He's all right now.
I didn't like my beard. And then it grew on me.
I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the blue.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Nope. Unintended.
Hope this made your day! If I get a lot of upvotes I'll make Part 2.
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2DAsOJV
My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions. But don’t worry.
I’ll return.
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2vxNvlj
I don’t think I would ever try a threesome
If I wanted to disappoint two people at once, I’d go out to dinner with my parents to catch up.
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2GL8tmc
Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a bar.
Sylvester Stallone says, "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."
Chuck says, "Guys, I'm bored of doing action movies too and I've got some ideas but you may not like them."
Sylvester says, "Let us hear it."
So Chuck continues, "All right, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers."
That's when Arnold throws himself in the conversation and says, "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can be Beethoven!"
"And who will you be, Arnold?"
"I'll be Bach."
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2DzqqTJ
In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside.
“Will I die?” she asks.
God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”
With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. Since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great! The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed. Up in heaven, she sees God. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she complains.
“That’s true,” says God.
“So what happened?” she asks.
God shrugs. “I didn’t recognize you.”
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2XWpVLw
My wife complains that I don't buy her flowers
In all honesty, I didn't know she sold flowers.
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2UJiJAp
What do necrophiliacs and alcoholics have in common?
They both love cracking open a cold one.
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2vtFmOQ
The president was walking out of the White House...
The president was walking out of the White House heading towards his limo when a possible assassin jumps out and aims his gun.
A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startled the would be assassin long enough to be captured.
Later the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks “What the hell made you shout ‘Mickey Mouse’?”
Blushing, the agent replied “I got nervous...I actually meant to shout...‘Donald, Duck!’”
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2GJgCr7
Endgame spoiler!
Roses are red
Thor is fat
God of thunder plays fortnite and roasts children on voice chat.
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2J42U4W
At Polish man has an appointment at the oculist
The doctor shows him a sign:.
WYRZYKOWTACZ.
Doctor: "Could you read those letters?"
Polish patient: "Letters? I know that guy!"
[link] [comments]
from Jokes: Get Your Funny On! http://bit.ly/2DC3548
Comparing Speed of Blob Storage, AppService and CDN on Azure for Static Files
Article URL: https://www.tabsoverspaces.com/id/233781
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785719
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest http://bit.ly/2Wdiv5T
Chinese Hard Sci-Fi “The Wandering Earth” Lands on Netflix
Article URL: https://pandaily.com/chinese-hard-sci-fi-the-wandering-earth-lands-on-netflix/
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785717
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest http://bit.ly/2DE9N9v
Ask HN: How many screens in your workspace?
We are having a discussion about workspaces. We are running 27" iMacs, and although it's possible to have multiple screens I think that one screen with better "window management" to ensure the real estate is used as well as it can be, would be better than 2 screens and having the "neck twist" of moving between the two.
What does your screen setup look like?
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785715
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest http://bit.ly/2WdtiNC
How code reviews work at Microsoft
Article URL: https://mgreiler.hashnode.dev/how-code-reviews-work-at-microsoft-cjv3ecbkc002564s1devpzggu
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785709
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest http://bit.ly/2VyuAWs
Fantasy Genetics Is the Most Important, and Worst, Science in Game of Thrones
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785706
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest http://bit.ly/2V2HPPu
Video Imaging of Silicon Chips [pdf]
Article URL: https://www.cl.cam.ac.uk/~sps32/poster2.pdf
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785693
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest http://bit.ly/2L82TQ6
Attackers breached Docker Hub, grabbed keys and tokens
Article URL: https://www.helpnetsecurity.com/2019/04/29/docker-hub-breach/
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785689
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest http://bit.ly/2PJo6Pf
My Ted talk: how I took on the tech titans in their lair
Article URL: https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2019/apr/21/carole-cadwalladr-ted-tech-google-facebook-zuckerberg-silicon-valley
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785681
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest http://bit.ly/2GqN5m5
Teardown: Verifone Vx570 Card Terminal
Article URL: https://djsec.wordpress.com/tag/teardown/
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785653
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest http://bit.ly/2L82P2O
Spotting the Wild Fascist
Article URL: http://esr.ibiblio.org/?p=8310
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785647
Points: 2
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest http://bit.ly/2GSIjiE
Ajan Reginald -Alumni
Article URL: https://www.alumni.ox.ac.uk/quad/article/alumni-voices-ajan-reginald
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785643
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest http://bit.ly/2VBm2ho
One stop to all Git repository
Article URL: https://www.reddit.com/r/vuejs/comments/bipbi6/one_stop_to_all_git_repository/
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785600
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest http://bit.ly/2Ldker5
What top keywords to highlight in a privacy policy for quicker reading?
I used to ignore privacy policies. Clicked "I accept" and moved on. But then I started to care about my privacy. I tried to take a minute to read and understand each privacy policy, but there where too many words to skim through.
I started working on an open-source tool to automatically highlight important keywords and action words in policy documents. Hovering over each highlighted word told you what you can expect in that section.
It's not 100% perfect but it has improved my readability of every privacy policy and terms of service.
I would like to improve the list of keywords and actions words to highlight. Maybe even add a new section to highlight.
What top privacy policy keywords and action words am I missing in this Git config?
http://bit.ly/2Lflaen
Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks for caring about your privacy. Pawel
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785572
Points: 2
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest http://bit.ly/2VzW2mv
Vancouver Airport blocking ads with information on travellers’ privacy rights
Article URL: https://globalnews.ca/news/5203960/yvr-rejects-ads/
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785560
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest http://bit.ly/2Gx1s8o
Intermittent Fasting: The Science Of Going Without (Canadian Medical Assoc Jrnl)
Article URL: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3680567/
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785558
Points: 2
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest http://bit.ly/2iVWhpv
List of United States Treaties
Article URL: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_United_States_treaties
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785544
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest http://bit.ly/2VsfPV9
Understanding Content Consumption – How to Distribute and Monetize Effectively
Article URL: https://medium.com/@namansr/why-do-people-consume-content-how-to-distribute-and-monetize-effectively-785def873cfc
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785536
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest http://bit.ly/2LcsEPp
Why aren't more people investing in websites?
Article URL: http://www.fernandopizarro.com/investing-in-websites/
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785534
Points: 2
# Comments: 1
from Hacker News: Newest http://bit.ly/2VuEfNG
NYU Game Center Lecture Series Presents Daniel Benmergui
Article URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbFBJ5l5IE0
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785527
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbFBJ5l5IE0
Do Octopuses Have Souls? (On the Nature of Animal Consciousness)
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785501
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest http://bit.ly/2Vy7kIa
Lambda: The Ultimate Imperative (1976) [pdf]
Article URL: https://dspace.mit.edu/bitstream/handle/1721.1/5790/AIM-353.pdf
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785500
Points: 2
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest http://bit.ly/2J4UQ3S
A different way to visualize rhythm – John Varney
Article URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UphAzryVpY
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785493
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UphAzryVpY
How to Write Chord Progressions with Negative Harmony
Article URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHH8siNm3ts
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19785490
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
from Hacker News: Newest https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHH8siNm3ts
![[link]](https://i.redd.it/sz8nz7ry68v21.jpg){kind=link}
![[link]](https://i.redd.it/g6dtm28r1bv21.jpg){kind=link}