Read Better Quote: September 2018

And for those who have been wanting to switch to a software engineering degree but don't have the luxury to quit their 8am-5pm jobs, we provide them with a degree of financial support while they're learning. Why? Well, because we at GarageScript know how hard life is for those who are struggling to make ends meet especially when the cost of living just keeps rising due to the tech wave. We just truly want to help people live more financially stable lives; no strings attached. And that's what we've been doing for the past year.

Problem is that we are a nonprofit that is being funded internally. And we need your help to keep helping others. If you believe in people who just want to help others learn programming, pls consider learning more by clicking on the following link: https://ift.tt/2Iw20w1. Or pls give this post an upvote so that we can reach more developers! Thank you so much.

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18104890

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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Ask HN: Software engineers earning = 200k€ in Europe, how did you get there?

Share your story. In more detail:

How did you get there? What is your field? How long have you been in it? What are you working on now?

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18104884

Points: 2

# Comments: 0

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In-Depth: Static Code Analysis by John Carmack (2011)

Article URL: https://www.gamasutra.com/view/news/128836/InDepth_Static_Code_Analysis.php

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18104879

Points: 2

# Comments: 0

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Payments on the Solid Framework

Article URL: https://docs.solidpay.org/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18104867

Points: 2

# Comments: 0

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Digital IDs Are More Dangerous Than You Think

Article URL: https://www.wired.com/story/digital-ids-are-more-dangerous-than-you-think

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18104865

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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Estonia Sues Gemalto for 152mln Euros Over ID Card Flaws

Article URL: https://www.reuters.com/article/estonia-gemalto/estonia-sues-gemalto-for-152-mln-euros-over-id-card-flaws-idUSL8N1WD5JZ

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18104861

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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The Contintental Breakfast Included Effect

Article URL: https://twitter.com/GreeneScientist/status/1045018692306776064

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18104827

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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Show HN: Caldera creates new service with gRPC/REST example inside

Article URL: https://github.com/takama/caldera

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18104820

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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Ask HN: What are the best textbooks in your field of expertise?

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18104814

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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Android 1.0 versus Android 9: A visual tour of how far we've come in a decade

Article URL: https://www.androidpolice.com/2018/09/29/android-1-0-versus-android-9-visual-tour-far-weve-come-decade/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18104802

Points: 3

# Comments: 0

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Germans don’t do tech startups – more access to capital might change that

Article URL: https://qz.com/1404647/germans-dont-do-tech-startups-more-access-to-capital-might-change-that/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18104794

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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OCaml All the Way Down – How Jane Street Builds FPGA Designs

Article URL: https://www.janestreet.com/tech-talks/ocaml-all-the-way-down/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18104761

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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Is Palmer Luckey right about Magic Leap being a tragic heap?

Article URL: https://www.wired.co.uk/article/magic-leap-one-palmer-luckey

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18104725

Points: 4

# Comments: 0

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Ask HN: What's the best sportsperson autobiography you've read?

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18104707

Points: 2

# Comments: 0

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September 11th White House Attack – 1994

Article URL: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Eugene_Corder#Background

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18104701

Points: 3

# Comments: 0

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Hunza tour

Article URL: https://www.tourfinder.pk/hunza-tour-2/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18104671

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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Stripe – Gradual Typing of Ruby at Scale

Article URL: https://sorbet.run/talks/StrangeLoop2018/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18104663

Points: 1

# Comments: 0

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Ask HN: What are some Vue components you always use?

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18104657

Points: 1

# Comments: 1

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A chicken farmer goes into a bar, takes a seat next to a woman, and orders a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

He turns to her and says,

"What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating," says the woman.

"What a coincidence," says the man. They clink glasses and he asks, "What are you celebrating?"

"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."

"That's great," says the woman. "How did your chickens become fertile?"

"I switched cocks," he replies.

"What a coincidence," she said.

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If you're questioning your sexuality...

You probably aren't thinking straight.

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Brett Kavanaugh has stated that he will not be pressured into withdrawing his Supreme Court bid by the allegations made against him.

He sounds like the kind of guy who just won't take 'no' for an answer.

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Two young brothers in Rome, aged 12 and 14..

One day, two young brothers in Rome, aged 12 and 14, came home with a 20 and 50 euro note. Their mother asked them where they got all that money from.

"Well, we were standing outside the brothel when a guy left," said the 12-year-old. "We told him that we knew where he had been, so he asked us not to reveal anything and gave us 20 euros."

"Then we followed the man," said the other boy, "and when he came to his house we told him that now we also knew where he lived. Then he gave us another 50 euros and begged us to keep quiet."

"That's a truly awful behaviour," the mother replied. "You really should be ashamed of yourselves and feel sorry for the man. Off you go to confession in the church."

The boys did what they were told and went to the Church, to confess and atone before the priest.

After a while they came back with 100 euros, because now they also knew where the man worked!

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My wife hasn't said a word to me in 6 days.

What's even better is, she thinks it's punishment.

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Right after takeoff, a pilot comes on the microphone to welcome his passengers. “Thank you for flying with us. The weather is....”

Then he suddenly starts screaming while still on the mic, “OH MY GOD! IT IS BURNING!!, IT IS BURNING!”

Then silence.

A few seconds later, he comes back on and says, “I’m terribly sorry about what happened. I spilled some scorching hot coffee on my lap...you should see my pants!!”

A voice from the back of the plane yelled, “Why don’t you come here and see ours?”

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My new girlfriend is so needy...

She keeps making demands like, "Untie me! Tell me who you are!"

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Two good friends go golfing

Two good friends go golfing and they come up on two women who are moving like molasses. One guy says that he'll go up and ask if they can play through. When he's half way to the women, he freezes, turns around and comes back pretty pale. "Sorry man, I can't do it! One's my wife and the other my mistress!"

The other guy says he'll ask instead. Halfway to the women he suddenly stops turns around and comes back shaking his head. "Small world bro!"

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My wife always said that she wanted the body of an 18 year old...

... but she got really upset at me when I actually brought her one.

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My friend said to me, “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?” I said, “Go on, then.” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”

I said, “That’s Superman.”

He said, “Thanks man, I’ve been practicing a lot.”

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Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.

"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

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My local library refuses to stock how-to books about suicide.

They used to, but the decent ones were never returned.

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Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose.

submitted by /u/Hpotter134
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Angry man comes to local bar with gun yelling:

-Which one of you fucked my wife??!! Some guy in the crowd says: - you should bring more bullets

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Brett Kavanaugh: “I HAD A BAD WEEK!”

Lindsay Lohan: “Hold my beer. “

Brett Kavanaugh: “THANK YOU I LOVE BEER”

submitted by /u/dareeza
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A dad puts a deer in the oven and doesn’t tell the children what they’re having

Dad: “We’re having what Mum calls me” Kid: “DONT EAT IT ITS A FUCKING DICK”

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I caught my husband going to a brothel and I'm not sure what to do now.

On the one hand he is unfaithful, but on the other hand it was nice that he visited me at work.

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I met a Jewish girl and she asked me for my number.

Had to explain to her that we use names here. It was a pain.

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Has anyone read the book, "Cum Stains on Her Pillow"

By Mr. Completely

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A man enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a pint. After he finishes , he peeks inside his shirt's pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another pint.

After he finishes, he again peeks inside his shirt's pocket and orders the bartender to bring another pint. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' drinks all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt's pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

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A boy is watching TV with his father when a sex scene comes on.

"Well son, time for bed," the father says. "But dad, I'm 16 now!" the son complains. The father replies, "I don't care how old you are, you're not watching me masturbate."

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Her husband's libido

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido. 'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor. 'Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.' 'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'.

It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it.

Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.' It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!' 'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor. 'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate.

He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely!

With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'

'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor,' Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?'

'Freakin' jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Tim Horton’s again.

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A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony

On his first day there, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, 'Did you call for me?'

The man replies, 'No, what do you mean?'

She says, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.'

Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he farts...

Within minutes, a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam-room toward him, 'Did you call for me?' says the hairy man.

'No, what do you mean?' says the newcomer.

'You must be new,' says the hairy man, 'it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she says.

The man yells, 'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the £500 membership fee.'

'But, Sir,' she replies, 'you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities.'

The man replies, 'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 35 times a day...

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Lawyer joke

Lawyer Joke!

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.

St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he left.

The couple sat and waited for an answer ... for a couple of months.

While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all?

What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?

Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.

“Yes,' he informed the couple, 'You can get married in Heaven.'

'Great!' said the couple. 'But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.

'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.

'OH, COME ON!!!' St. Peter shouted. 'It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?”

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Five old ladies in a car . . .

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour! "The old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

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Interested in moderating /r/Videos? Apply within!

Hello! We are looking to expand the moderator team. Moderating can take up time, you need to be on Reddit quite a bit. Main moderator duties include clearing the mod queue and answering modmail. You'd also need to be able to join our Discord, we use it to communicate as a team a lot.

Please reply to this post with answers to the following questions if you are interested.

About you

What timezone are you in? (Please answer in UTC.)
Have you moderated on Reddit before? If so, what subreddits and what were your main duties?
To be a moderator here it's essential for you to use two web extensions (Toolbox and Snoonotes), you'd also need to idle Discord. Would this be a problem?
How often are you on Reddit? An exact amount of hours isn't required, we just want an idea of how active you would be.
Do you primarily use desktop or mobile?

Moderation

Why do you want to be a moderator here? What sets you apart from the other applicants?
What are your top 3 favourite subreddits and what makes them your favourite?
What do you think of the current rules? What rules would you add or remove?
If picked, would you be able to do at least 150 mod actions per month? It's pretty easy to do 150 in a sub this size.
What do you think the role of a moderator is?

Scenarios

A controversial video is posted, people are trying to witch-hunt somebody in the video or someone related to it by harassing them and posting personal information. What would you do?
If a rule-breaking submission had a lot of upvotes would you still remove it? Why or why not?
You see a video here that is just a static image with audio or a slideshow. Would you remove it or approve it?
A user sends a modmail complaining about their submission that was removed (most complaints about removals are regarding rule 1). They get angry and insult you personally. What would you do?
A user sends a modmail complaining about a wrongfully removed post and you agree with the user. What would you do?
How would you deal with bigoted and hateful comments? Would you remove, approve or remove and ban?

Please reply to this post to apply, your application will be automatically removed but still visible to you and the moderators. If you delete it though we won't be able to see it.

Thanks and good luck!

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Interested in moderating /r/Videos? Apply within!