Article URL: http://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-05-31/amazon-blocks-australia-shopping-deal-how-it-affects-you/9820312
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17194488
Points: 2
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Thursday, May 31, 2018
Amazon has blocked Australian shoppers from overseas sites
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The Fortune Sellers: The Big Business of Buying and Selling Predictions (1998)
Article URL: https://archive.nytimes.com/www.nytimes.com/books/first/s/sherden-fortune.html
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17194478
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
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Looking Closer: What It Means to Learn to Code
Article URL: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/looking-closer-what-means-learn-code-cristina-belderrain/
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17194476
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
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2018 Internet Trends Report – Mary Meeker (KPCB)
Article URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17194469
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17194469
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
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Vertical Rocket Landing Simulation and Control
Article URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_igzo4qNmQ&feature=share
Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17194467
Points: 1
# Comments: 0
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I asked my mum "How much is a couple?"
"2 or 3" she replied.
Probably explains why her marriage collapsed.
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At school one day, Little Johnny’s teacher asks the class to use the word “contagious” in a sentence…
Cindy raises her hand. “Yes, Cindy?” She answers, “I was at the dentist’s office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious.”
“Very good, Cindy!” the teacher said, “Anyone else want to try?” Samantha raises her hand. “Yes, Samantha?” She answers, “My dad tells me not to yawn because then everybody else yawns. He says yawning is contagious.”
“Excellent work, Samantha! Very creative,” the teacher praises. “Okay, one more volunteer.” Little Johnny raises his hand. “Yes, Johnny?”
“Well,” he says, “I was helping my dad in the yard last week, and we saw the neighbor painting his house. He was using a small brush, so I asked my dad, ‘Daddy, why is he using such a small brush?’ and he says, ‘I don’t know son, but it’s gonna take that contagious.'”
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Why can you see the LGBT colours in the sky after it rains?
Because the sun just came out.
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Had sex with my girlfriend a few days ago.[NSWF]
She told me to turn the light off and stick it in her butt.
I guess I should've waited for the bulb to cool down first.
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In getting tired of the jehovah witnesses.
They keep knocking on the door, trying to make me change my mind
"Please let us out!", "We won't bother you again!", "Have mercy!"
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A guy ring’s his new girlfriend’s doorbell
She sees him holding a very nice bouquet of flowers and drags him in.
She lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says “This is for the flowers!”
“Don’t be silly” says her boyfriend, “you must have a vase somewhere!”
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Did you know that light travels faster than sound?
That's why some people look bright until they start talking.
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Why was 10 scared?
He was in the middle of 9-11
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A duck walks into a bar...
He sits at the bar and requests 'A pint of beer and a pork pie please'
The barman is aghast. A talking duck! 'Wow, where did you come from?' he asks.
'I work across the road at the building site' replies the duck annoyed. He ruffles his newspaper and begins to read. The barman is in shock but lets him continue uninterrupted. The duck eats his food, pays and leaves.
All week the duck comes in and orders the same pint and a pork pie. The barman is amazed, but can't bring himself to interrupt the duck during his meal.
Saturday rolls by and the duck doesn't come in - obviously not working at the building site on the weekend. However, the circus is in town and in walks the circus ringmaster for a pint.
The barman says to the ringmaster 'you won't believe what I've seen this week, a talking duck!'
'Wow! That's incredible' says the ringmaster.
'Yeah, he walks in every lunchtime for a pork pie and a pint - it's amazing'
'That is amazing' agrees the ringmaster. He hands the barman his card and says 'tell him to get in touch with me, I could have some work for a talking duck!'
So Monday rolls round as as expected, in walks the duck - who orders his pork pie and a pint as usual.
The barman sheepishly picks up the card and says 'sorry to disturb you, but a circus ringmaster walked in the other day and I mentioned you've been in all last week. He told me to give you this, he might have some work for you.'
The duck looks confused and studies the card perplexed.
'So, the circus?' says the duck.
'Yeah, he came in on Saturday' says the barman.
'Where they all live in tents, with a big top and it's all made of canvas?'
'Yeah, that's right'
'Where all the humans walk free, and the animals live in cages?'
'I guess so... yeah'
The duck studies the card intently and pulls a face.
'What do they want a plasterer for?'
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Adam talks to god about being lonely.
Before there were Adam & Eve there was just Adam.
Adam: God I’m lonely here in the garden. You gave me this place and it’s beautiful. I appreciate it. I can hang out with the animals and talk to you but I don’t have anything in common with either of you. I want a partner. Is there anything you can do?
God: Oh yeah!!! I can make you a partner that will be all of your wildest dreams come true. This chicks going to be flawless! She’s going to laugh at all of the same things as you. She’s going to be happy all of the time and never Bitch about shit. She’s going to want to do nothing all day but lay around in the shade fucking. She’ll let you do whatever you want with her. And Shes going to be your best friend in the world.
Adam: wow! That sounds incredible. How much will this cost me?
God: oh she’ll cost you a lot! She’s going to be at least an arm and a leg.
Adam: oh shit... well what could I get for a rib?
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I started reading "Old Yeller" today ..
But I had to put it down.
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How do you put up a Reddit fence?
First you put in one post, then you repost, and repost, and repost ....
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I had sex with my new girlfriend for the first time last night.
When we finished, she rolled off of me and said "wow, you're by far the biggest I've ever had!" Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.
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A patient talks to his therapist after a suicide attempt
"So Greg, I've been informed that you attempted suicide the other day. Is this correct?" asks the therapist.
"Yes, it is unfortunately true. My wife decided to divorce me and the kids chose to live with her, it struck me hard man." said Greg.
"I know this is gonna be hard for you to do, but could you please explain what exactly happened during your suicide attempt and what stopped you?" the therapist asks.
"Well I drove up to this cliff with the door locked and sat for 'bout a minute contemplating whether to just drive off and end it all. Luckily there were a dozen people who really didn't want me to give up just yet, and caused me not to." said Greg.
"Sound like extraordinary people, who exactly were they?" the therapist responds.
"The people in the back of the bus." Greg answers.
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[NSFW] I had my first boxing match yesterday
It reminded me of the time I lost my virginity, I was bloody and really sore, but at least my dad came
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A man walks into a whore house and asks what he can get for a dollar.
"You can get a penguin" says the pimp at the front desk.
"A penguin? Sounds sweet!"
The pimp brings the man back to a room and a fine young woman walks in and tells him to drop his pants.
"Oh boy im in for a good one!"
She starts going down on him and as soon as he's about to reach climax she gets up and walks out.
"Hey, where ya goin?!?!" the man says, waddling after her with his pants around his ankles.
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Why did Donald Trump invite Kim Kardashian to talk about prison reform?
Because she's had more black dudes in her than a jail cell.
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Roses are red, sorry for the Hypocrisy
But hey, we’ve updated our privacy policy
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A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
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A young guy drops off his girlfriend at her home after being out together on a date
When they reach the front door he leans up against the house with one hand and says to her,
"How about a blowjob?"
"What! Are you crazy!"
"Dont worry, it will be quick," he ensures his girlfriend.
"No! Someone might see us..."
"Its just a small blowjob," he insists, "and I know you like it."
"No! I said no!"
"Baby... dont be like that."
Suddenly, the girls younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown, with her hair a mess, and rubbing her eyes. She looks at them and smirks, "Dad says either you blow him, I blow him, or hell come downstairs and blow the guy himself... but for Gods sake tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom."
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A waiter walks up to a table full of Jewish women dining
And says "ladies, is anything ok?"
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Easiest way to get immortality
Me : rubs lamp "I don't want to die a virgin"
Genie : grants immortality
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Why did Elon Musk send a Tesla into outer space?
When NASA sent a Challenger up, it didn't go so well.
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Why do televangelists go to church every Sunday?
To pray on the week.
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TIL the creators of "Parks and Recreation" did research for the show by interviewing actual government officials. One said, "Well, I’m a libertarian, so I don’t really believe in the mission of my job. Yes, I’m aware of the irony." The character of Ron Swanson was born.
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Worth it...
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🔥 A diver in Belize has made friends with an octopus. She named him Egbert and brings him treats in his own jar
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submitted by /u/JMyers666 to r/NatureIsFuckingLit [link] [comments] |
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